The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

The Pooch

“Still putzing around at home … ah vacation, how I love ye. Here’s the pooch, I am probably annoying her while you are reading this. Ain’t she a peach?”

I had written that on Wednesday night – trying to do some blog posts in advance before heading home. Unfortunately Thursday I got a text from my mom saying the dog had passed away. Friday my brother, sister, mom, dad and I ‘toasted’ to the dog while sharing a few favorite stories. I’ll probably write some of those later.

But for now I’ll say goodbye to the little pooch. She was about 17 years old so it was no shock, and definitely her time to go. The last few times I came home I had a mix of happiness and sadness in seeing her – sad because of how old she’d clearly gotten to be.

On a high note for her – about a month or two before she died she managed to catch a bird! (The bird had flown into a window and knocked itself unconscious.) Because of that I’ll say that she went out on a high note.

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HOME!!

Well friends, around the same time you’re reading this I may be re-creating this battle royale that my brother and I had back in the summer of 2003. We were already a bit past the age associated with blow-up floatie animals for the pool – but that didn’t stop us from starting at either end of the pool toward each other, trying to knock the other person off their beast!

I named my killer whale (or dolphin??) Spud, I don’t remember Timbo’s animal’s name.

Based on the picture I’m guessing Tim won this round. Generally it was dumb luck if we managed to stay on those animals for more than 5 seconds.

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Important Discovery!!

I realized today that any phrase that starts with “hey sailor” ends up sounding like a sexual innuendo.

For example if I asked you, “paper or plastic?” you might visualize yourself at a grocery store. But if I said, “hey sailor … paper or plastic?” You would assume I’m coming on to you.

Note: I should add that whenever I write ‘hey sailor’ in my head it’s my most sultry voice. And what a sultry voice.

Other fun innuendos involving hey sailor:

Hey sailor, white or wheat?

Hey sailor, your shoe’s untied.

Hey sailor, I can’t find my dress socks. Will you help me look?

Hey sailor, wakka wakka wakka …

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Now. Just as important as this discovery was this secondary discovery. There is NO WAY you can say the word “socioeconomic” and not have it kill the innuendo you were so finely crafting.

“Hey sailor, want to talk about the socioeconomic condition in West Virginia?”

NOPE! Doesn’t work!

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My challenge to you, dear reader(s) – come up with an innuendo phrase that involves socioeconomic. The winner of the challenge will get a very crappy poem written to/about/for them. The poem will probably not make sense, but it will rhyme.

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