The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Attn: Ellen (4/24/19)

Front

 

Ellen396a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen396b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder who the first pirate ‘doctor’ was who was like, “he’s gonna lose a leg?! Quick! Fetch me that stick! I’ve got an idea …”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Prison Test

Dear reader,

Are you going to federal penitentiary anytime soon? I’ve got a theory I’d love for you to try.

You hear on movies and TV shows that the way you establish dominance in prison is to go and find the biggest person on your first day and pick a fight with that person.

But listen to this.

My theory is instead if on your first day you get a banana and eat it, that’ll do it. But not just any typical eating a banana, you eat the WHOLE banana. Bite after casual, enjoying this banana like anyone would enjoy a banana except I’m also eating the peel, bite.

And maybe also laugh occasionally. Say ‘no!’ to the banana like it told you something outrageously funny or offensive, and then slip in one or two very coy and slightly sexual ‘maybe.’

Let me know if 1, you’re going to prison; 2, you try this; 3, how it works out.

Thanks in advance.

yellow bananas

Photo by Juan Salamanca on Pexels.com

Good Friday

Jesus: Welcome to Heaven!

Dead Guy: Wow … Jesus?

Jesus: Yep.

Dead Guy: Wow! Imagine … dying on Good Friday and you’re the first person I meet!

Jesus: Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Yeah. It was Good Friday.

Jesus: But what’s Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Uh … well … it’s to commemorate … you dying … for … our sins?

Jesus: Yeah. Yeah. I remember the day. But why’s it Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Cause um … you’re so good to us?

Jesus: You know I was tortured that day.

Dead Guy: It … But …

Jesus: (sighs) Anyway um … Welcome.