The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Mitad Del Mundo

A stone monument in Ecuador that was constructed between 1979 and 1982 to mark the “Middle of the World.” (Ecuador is on the equator.) Since the construction, satellites
have determined that the monument is off by about 984 feet. The position for construction of this landmark, again, begun in 1979, was based off measurements taken during
the 1736 French Geodesic Mission. Mitad Del Mundo translates to “like, basically halfway point … basically … of the world.”
Foreman: Right here!mitad_del_mundo_quito_ecuador_2015-07-22_dd_12
Worker: Wow! How do you know?
Foreman (laughs condescendingly): It involves some pretty complex math, friend, I can’t explain all of it to you.
Worker: Would you mind trying?
Foreman (looks nervous): Uh … well … You look at the position of the stars, and … the sun … to … calculate … the Earth’s velocity … circumnavigationally … As I said, it’s pretty complex. I don’t remember all the right words, but I can see the numbers in my head. The numbers originally came from some French math mission, so they are pretty reliable.
Worker: Oh wow. Did the French just come through here a few years ago?
Foreman: Ah … no. It was … Over two hundred years ago.
Worker: Wow! And we matched that with current math to double check?
Foreman: No … We feel confident in those numbers.
Worker: From the 1800s?
Foreman: No, actually, from the 1700s.
Worker: Oh…kay…
Foreman: …Start digging!

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (9/28/16)

Front

ellen279a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen279b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think animals recognize adorableness in other animals? Perhaps a wolf is out hunting and sees baby raccoons and says, “aw come on, I can’t eat them! Look at them! Widdle guys! Awww! OK. Time to go eat a baby deer … Wait, shoot!”

I guess it’s unlikely, but I think I would make a bad animal.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Trip Tips From Your Pals at DumbFunnery

Hello friends, the travel season is upon us! (It is?) (Yeah, whatever, it doesn’t matter.) (Oh, ok.) And with travel season, we need some travel tips!
When you are going somewhere, it’s natural to have goals or plans in mind. Maybe you (Wait really? Why don’t people just go and … I don’t know, experience things and
let things happen as they may.) …As I said, SOME people like to have goals or plans (you didn’t say some people before) (Oh … whatever) SOME people like to have
plans in their mind and sometimes those plans don’t work out. (Yeah, which is why you should just – ) (SHUSH.) (You think that’ll quiet me?)
Here’s what we at DumbFunnery recommend (Why do you keep pretending there are multiple authors?) (If there aren’t multiple authors, that means I’m just talking to myself
in parenthesis while I write something) ( …True).
All of the friendly staff here at DumbFunnery (STAFF? Oh come on) recommend two travel plans where you might ordinarily have one.
Have the day planned where you get to do the things you want (This is so dull), AND one where you don’t get to accomplish anything you want.
I call it the optimistic and the pessimistic plans.
For the optimistic plan you might go to a zoo, a museum, and a specific place for lunch. (Oh sweet, where are we going for lunch?)
For the pessimistic plan the zoo is closed, there’s a trip from the school of the aggressively bad smelling that has just descended on the museum, and the restaurant was
recently turned into an ironic night club that only serves cold ketchup and warm vodka. (Blech.) The reason for the pessimistic plan is to force you to think
of things you’ll enjoy even if everything goes awry. (Oh … That’s not a bad idea actually.) (Shut it, we’re losing credibility by agreeing with ourselves.)
Maybe for the pessimistic plan you force yourself to compare the architecture of the city to your own home, maybe you pay attention to the people and make a bingo game
where the free block is an old man who is leering too much. (There’s something kind of off about you.) (Hey friend, don’t be mean.)
The sky is the limit! But the point is, even when you don’t hit all of your marks, you’re still on a trip – so ENJOY!
Thank you kindly from all of us here at DumbFunnery.com, where our destination … (Don’t do it) is always FUN!

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Du Jour of the Week

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