The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘french’

Music Monday

This time I have a theme – French speaking artists. I really like the first three music videos (the songs and the videos themselves) … The last one is just because I always do four songs for these posts. I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch the video, it’s just entertaining in a laughing-at-you-not-with-you kind of way.

 

 

 

 

Mitad Del Mundo

A stone monument in Ecuador that was constructed between 1979 and 1982 to mark the “Middle of the World.” (Ecuador is on the equator.) Since the construction, satellites
have determined that the monument is off by about 984 feet. The position for construction of this landmark, again, begun in 1979, was based off measurements taken during
the 1736 French Geodesic Mission. Mitad Del Mundo translates to “like, basically halfway point … basically … of the world.”
Foreman: Right here!mitad_del_mundo_quito_ecuador_2015-07-22_dd_12
Worker: Wow! How do you know?
Foreman (laughs condescendingly): It involves some pretty complex math, friend, I can’t explain all of it to you.
Worker: Would you mind trying?
Foreman (looks nervous): Uh … well … You look at the position of the stars, and … the sun … to … calculate … the Earth’s velocity … circumnavigationally … As I said, it’s pretty complex. I don’t remember all the right words, but I can see the numbers in my head. The numbers originally came from some French math mission, so they are pretty reliable.
Worker: Oh wow. Did the French just come through here a few years ago?
Foreman: Ah … no. It was … Over two hundred years ago.
Worker: Wow! And we matched that with current math to double check?
Foreman: No … We feel confident in those numbers.
Worker: From the 1800s?
Foreman: No, actually, from the 1700s.
Worker: Oh…kay…
Foreman: …Start digging!

Ignorant Readings of Books I Bought in Europe

And longest post title of the week award goes to …

Here’s the vid. Full of a bad southern accent (my go to “dumb guy” voice). Sorry, South.

Oh yeah and I don’t have anything against UT … I just thought “why not?” for that being the t-shirt I wore. I’ll go and buy this shirt for my next southern guy video (if I’m not lazy …):

Attn: Ellen (10/26/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

After Amsterdam we visited Brussels. While there a 1st grade class (on a field trip I guess) walked by singing, “We will rock you” in French! It was fantastic!

And it confirmed my theory – classes in adorableness should be added to American education.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Hillbilly Past-Times

1 – Figuring out just how few teeth you need to get by.

2 – Chuckling at the phrase “Je m’appelle.”

3 – Jed.

4 – Poking stuff with sticks.

5 – Debating the complexity of life or whatever.

6 – Being frustrated about ATVs and how much money they cost. Really, what’s the deal? Are they only for doctors or something?

7 – Bacon.

8 – Coming up with new idioms that are both ignorant and clever.

9 – Makin’ babies.

10 – T-shirts with flags and fish on them. And how B.A. they are.

Animal Facts! (Gorilla, Flamingo, Capybara, Kangaroo)

Gorilla

Whenever he’s sad you can bet that these two words will cheer him up: “nudie bar.”

Finds cereal romantically charming.

Dreams of owning an eyeglasses store called, “You Wouldn’t Punch a Guy With Glasses, Would Ya?”

Forgot to read the assignment – but even worse … forgot to come up with an excuse about why he didn’t read the assignment.

Doesn’t do ANYTHING at work. Here’s why: whenever anyone comes up and asks him to do something he says VERY slowly, “I understand what you’re saying … theoretically … but I’m lost in the details. Can we go over it again?” Eventually the person asking gives up.

 

Flamingo

When things get hectic he likes to grab everyone’s attention by yelling, “listen!, LISTEN! … listen?”

Likes to say “Google this” and then point to … it’s not important.

Noble and majestic 90% of the time. The other 10% we won’t get into.

Voted YES on Proposition ‘Replace Yo’ Face.’

Looking back on life, regrets having not more of a ‘je ne sais fromage’ attitude. Also he wishes he knew French.

 

Capybara

When he gets upset he talks to himself – the thing is, he calls himself ‘toots.’

Set Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” song to pictures of the planet Saturn.

Mails himself threatening postcards around Christmas – it’s a holiday tradition.

He’s a know-it-all. And, what makes it worse is that he’s generally correct.

If there was a black, female Bobby Fisher – he would be her soul mate.

 

Kangaroo

Didn’t hear about ‘Where’s Waldo’ books until college, and the first time someone excitedly shouted ‘Where’s Waldo!’ he assumed it was a euphemism.

An old fashioned gun-slinger, but with horribly racist comments instead of bullets.

Considers himself the Fabio of not showering. (This doesn’t mean anything – all you need to know is, if there’s open seating, you don’t want to sit by him.)

Desperately wants to have a friend dating someone from the panhandle in Oklahoma, so he can say, “what’s wrong? Panhandle the relationship?”

Took an online ‘IQ Test’, tried to look up every answer online, and still didn’t ace it. Ouch.

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