Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
I have discovered something about owning a home – it feels great to do things to make the house nicer, especially when those things take little effort.
Changing one light bulb is for dopes, anyone can do that.
But changing FIVE!? In just one day!? Well, self, you deserve a 3-week break from home improvement work.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery
According to Duolingo, as of tonight, I am 8% fluent in German. I don’t know who I could communicate with my 8% fluency but I think it would have to be someone who has been hit by a truck several times.
I could maybe keep up with a 16 month old. Would you consider yourself 8% fluent in the English language at the ripe age of 1 and 1/4 years old?
Ich bin eine banane. Did you know that means I am a banana? I can tell people these kinds of things with my 8%.
“Hallo.”
“Hallo!”
“Du ist eine kartoffel?”
“Nein, bitte! Ich bin ein mann!”
Here we see one of any number of classic German conversations I might have. Someone greets me, I greet them in return, they ask if I am a potato, and in turn I inform them that I am actually a man.
What if I need to find a bathroom in Germany? No clue. But I can point to a glass of hot chocolate and say, “HeibBe schokolade, bitta! Mmmm, es ist lecker!” (This is tasty!)
Also that B should be … well, a different B. It’s called Eszett. Did duolingo teach me that? Of course not, I know “8%.”
I wish I could be confused as this guy, you need 80%+ understanding before idioms can even make sense enough to baffle you.
Monday Morning
Don’t worry about it, buddy, I’m empty, you’re in a rush, just leave your cereal bowl and spoon in here.
Monday Evening
Oh man, long day huh? Back into the swing of things. Just put that pot and plate and stuff in here, we’ll take care of this tomorrow. It’ll be real quick.
Tuesday Morning
Leave for work now! QUICK! Or you’ll be stuck behind the school bus!!
Tuesday Evening
Uh … I’m pretty sure that episode of The Office you’ve seen 7 times isn’t going to get watched an 8th time by itself.
Wednesday Morning
Ok. Tonight. All right? I’m starting to get pretty full here.
Wednesday Evening
Hey rookie, you see that I have a whole second half that’s empty right? There are two of me. Come on. Step up your game.
Thursday Morning
Cereal again, huh? Cool man! See you tonight!
Thursday Evening
How was going out to happy hour? Oh soup for dinner? Cool! Don’t worry about it, cleaning a bowl is so easy it practically doesn’t even count as adding to the pile of dishes.
Friday Morning
Week-end! Week-end! Week-end! Seriously, you should clean these dishes tonight so you don’t stare at the sink all weekend thinking about how you need to get that done like it’s some big chore but in reality it takes a few minutes.
Friday Evening
DUDE! It’s Friday! You should be partying! And by partying I mean playing video games and eating pizza on your couch!
Saturday Morning
How’d your jog go? Pretty good? You look tired, you should go nap.
Somehow Skip to Sunday Evening
Ok buddy. Seriously. Let’s get this done. Put on Sunday Night Football, get these dishes knocked out.
This week. This is the week. You’ll think about how nice and clean the place looks when the sink is empty, and you’ll never once leave a dirty dish in here. Everything will be taken care of, so it’ll never seem like a chore. You got this!
Monday Morning
Don’t worry about it man, it’s just a bowl and a spoon!
DumbFunnery 