The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumbfunnery’

What’s Chinese for Italian?

Two of my friends and I went to eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

My first friend ordered his meal, and found out that it came with a soup or salad. Great, he said. What kinds of dressings do you have?

The waiter said something, “and ranch.”

“Uh,” my friend said, not sure what the first thing was, “I’ll do the first one.” He picked that one because he assumed it was some Chinese-food kind of dressing and wanted to try it.

The waiter then repeated the dressing, and this time it was plain as day what it was he’d said.

The waiter repeated the dressing name for confirmation. This time I understood him.

“Yes,” my friend said, still not understanding the waiter.

“What’s that taste like?,” my other friend asked, trying to figure out the dressing.

The waiter looked at us like we were idiots. I had to keep back a laugh. The waiter thought for a minute and then said, “Italy.”

The dressing, by the by, was Italian.

A Really Nice Guy Talking to His Very Attractive, Adventurous Girlfriend

“Hey … uh … listen, don’t start crying yet … geez … all right, well … I think we should break up … I met this guy … he’s into guns … and cheating on women … and he’s temporarily found me attractive because I played hard to get but now I’m going to go running toward him and tell him I broke up with a guy just for him so it’ll pretty much make him find me repulsive because he only likes women who are unavailable and so then I’ll be clingy for a few weeks until he moves on, out of my life … on his hot motorcycle.

“Seriously? You didn’t see this coming?”

Quotes of the Day! – Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence

All of the below quotes are from Sons and Lovers, by D.H. Lawrence. Kicking it off with probably my favorite:

Oh, you make me knit the brows of my very soul and cogitate.

So, in seeking to make him nobler than he could be, she destroyed him.

Nevertheless, the load of anxiety scarcely ever left her heart, lest William should do the wrong thing by himself.

She was only his conscience, not his mate.

She knew that “he was not there,” as she put it. Often, when she had him with her, she looked for him, and could not find him.