The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumbfunnery’

Congrats to My Folkses!!

Recently my parents had their anniversary (of what, you ask? Of marriage I say!).

My sister came up with this idea (she saw it on some random guys blog I think) – you take an old photo and then try and recreate it. We found a good photo, unfortunately it was from when we lived in Korea, so we didn’t go back to the scene of the original photo. Instead I attempted some crappy copy-and-paste and … well, just check it out.

Original Photo!

Removed! (Just looks kind of neat)

New!

Category:

Pictures

Tagged with:

Lying to Your Family Can Be Fun AND Entertaining!! (A Lesson for the Kids)

My first “big” relationship was with a girl I was obsessed with. Ooooh she was so pretty, and smart, and fun, and I liked her and she liked ME!

She was the freshman year of college girl (that old story).

When summer hit I went back to Arizona by way of a cruelly long drive (Texas, why do you take so long to drive out of?). Not long after returning home my Dad’s side of the family headed to northern Arizona for a bit of cooler weather.

“My girl” was scheduled to visit, which the family learned. Naturally, questions would come.

Here’s the tricky part, though. The questions didn’t come at once in a 5-on-1 interview, instead it was a series of 1-on-1 interviews where you get asked the same questions over, and over, and over again.

Eventually, I gave up on the truth.

“What’s she studying?”
“She’s getting a duel degree, one in Econ and the other in Home Studies.”
“Ohhh.”

A subtle lie. Majoring in Home-Ec, how is that not funny?

I’m such a nerd.

“What’s she look like?”
“Mostly short. That’s the first thing I notice about her. Very compact. She can fit most anywhere, really.”

The lies were starting to stretch.

“What’s she like?”
“She likes dancing. She just … God! When she dances, the world dances with her!”

By the time the last relative questioned me they could tell I was lying by about ten words into my first answer.

Sure, it was obnoxious of me to give fake answers. But I knew they were drinking and weren’t going to remember anyway, so why bother with the truth when lying would at least keep me entertained. This way, at least one of us remembered the conversation.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with:

Are you an attractive woman home-alone? Here’s how to act!

“Bye husband!”

Oh, it’s so weird being home alone!

I feel like I haven’t been left home alone in the longest time … and not once since we moved to this country estate!

I just love it out here!

All the trees coming up to, practically, our back door.

It’s such a bummer my husband’s flight had to leave at midnight. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me drive him to the airport.

I feel so … lonely … gosh!

This is so weird.

Maybe if I go put on a tank top and some booty shorts?

No!

I should take a shower first!

Hmm … No, I’ll watch TV.

Oooh!

One of those shows about wanted criminals being on the loose! Did he just say the same very small town that I live in is where – hey! Friends is on too!

Wow!

I’ve never realized how, at night, with all the windows in this family room, and the woods coming all the way up to the back of our house … I’ve never realized you can’t really see the moon!

How depressing!

Whatever!

Did something just move out there?

Why am I still not wearing booty shorts?

That sounded like something scraping at the door?

No – probably just Joey from Friends! He’s so funny!

I should turn the TV on extra loud … I don’t know why … Then go take a shower.

OK!

Volume … UP!

Great!

Did I lock the front door after my dearest husband left?

Hmm … Probably so, no sense in double checking.

It’s so nice living out here in the middle of nowhere! I mean, my husband and I are each in our young twenties and fantastically good looking – me particularly when I wear booty shorts.

Hey ….

Oh my gosh!

Wouldn’t that …

Oh! Yes! I will leave the bathroom door slightly cracked! That will be so exciting! I’ve never done that when I’ve showered before!

OK!

Water’s on …

Nice and hot water – good. Make sure the bathroom window is extra steamy so I won’t be able to see a thing!

There was that scraping noise again at the door!

That Joey!

The water feels so nice!

I feel completely vulnerable now!

How neat!

Category:

Short Short Stories

Tagged with: