The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fun’

Moving Along, with Rainbow Speak

Tonight and last night I helped my friend Rainbow Speak move. It was tiresome. Here are some highlights.

  • I was carrying an arm full of big stuff to hang on walls, and a clock on top of them that is sliding around. I start walking down the stairs and stuff slides even more. Then a mosquito lands on me. That’s when I spazz out, have the clock sliding around and I’m trying to scare the mosquito away with noises and blowing my breath out. Classy.
  • I carry a standing Ikea lamp out. Rainbow Speak says, “oh yeah! I carried the other one out and pretended it was a lightsaber!” And you know what? It is a lot of fun to carry that lamp and pretend it’s a giant lightsaber. I want to get one and put a green light bulb in it. Or red if I feel evil.
    Be honest, did you look at the picture and make the “beejwooooooo” noise after that? (I don’t know how to spell the noise of a lightsaber coming on.)
  • I grab a suitcase full of stuff and some item in a cloth covering. The item has a rather distinct handle.
    Me, curiously: Uh, what is this?
    Him, matter-of-factly: It’s a sword.
    (So that he seems slightly less crazy, it was for his aikido class. It’s made of wood.)
  • Rainbow Speak has a love of Monopoly. One night maybe about half a year ago I was hanging out with he and his then girlfriend. We made mixed drinks and played Monopoly City. Rainbow Speak was happy as could be. I was drink and saying, “let’s go out! I wanna go tell myself I’ll talk to chicks, then stand around and not talk to chicks and be upset with myself!” Rainbow Speak said sure, let’s just finish this game. … Motivated by that, after bringing stuff into his new apartment I said,
    “Oh no, your Monopoly game fell out of your car. I saw it smashed to bits on the street.”
    “What? … Really?”
    He was genuinely concerned. I’m laughing maniacally while typing this.
  • Oh yeah, and I put a really ugly sweater of his (from the ugly sweater night) in his freezer. Just for kicks.

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Weekly Wacko

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Attn: Ellen (2/29/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I recently attended Houston’s Rodeo! I thought about describing it, but I felt like this picture does it already.

Except the flowers = bulls almost crushing people at the bull riding. And the horse = hastily put together, incredibly creaky rides. And the couple about to yell ‘game on!’ is actually a foot long corn dog and friend moon pie.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. The shrouded house in the distance clearly = bumper cars operator.

 

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Attn: Ellen

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Show Me Your Pimp Walk

With a title like that, this story has a lot to live up to. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy it.

My junior year of college I had been dating a girl, let’s call her Flecks, for a month or two when we had a big night in our relationship. We became ourselves around each other.

Up til then we joked and goofed around with each other, at each other’s expense, etc., but I wouldn’t say that we were really ourselves. There was still the desire to be cute or attractive in most everything that you do around that person. Why? To get the dope to like you til you’re at the point of feeling comfortable.

We were hanging out in my room, listening to music, talking, and making out (aww yeah). I was excited because that day I had bought a new CD. A James Brown greatest hits CD. Twenty songs from James Brown for six dollars! Too much yes!

And I think, dear savvy reader, you can probably start to see where that title came from.

My music comes to the new songs and I think Flecks was amused by this. I tell her that the Payback is the best song in the world for doing a pimp walk.

I get up, switch to the Payback, and pimp walk over to the bed.

She laughs hysterically at me/with me. Then I say, “come on, show me your pimp walk.” Which I said sincerely, but she then went on to repeat mock-seductively. Then followed that with even more laughter. But, without any real hesitation, up she jumped … and pimp walked like a champ.

We pimp-walked around in circles in my tiny room and enjoyed how much we enjoyed each other.

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Weekly Wacko

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