The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fanmail’

Attn: Ellen (5/30/18)

Front

Ellen351a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen351b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You know how NBA players commit a foul, a ref blows the whistle, and the player looks around, arms thrown up in the air, as though they are shocked and disgusted?

Whenever my wife reminds me of something I forgot to do I’m going to react like that. Backup plan – I’ll sweat as much as one of those dudes and she’ll never be in the same room as me.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Seriously, they each sweat approximately one Nile River / game.

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (11/22/17)

Front

Ellen326a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen326b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s this complex look in a few easy steps:

1) buy a bunch of fabrics

2) throw them at an airplane engine that is running

Boom! Shredded fabrics!

As for why you’d wear that? That’s outside my wheelhouse.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/23/16)

Front

ellen287a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen287b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we see a depiction of an American woman escaping contentious and fruitless political conversation over Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and remember to keep your escape canoe handy.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (5/4/16)

Front

Ellen260a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen260b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s playoff hockey time! The time of year when the people ask: can someone be shy a few teeth, have a beard that birds live in, and look like someone who could spend a few hours staring at foil because it’s shiny … AND be attractive?

And somehow the answer is always yes.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (4/27/16)

Front

Ellen259a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen259b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Currently our nation is struggling with the following quiz. Public bathrooms cause concern because:

A) The smell
B) That small urine-based creek with tributaries and everything
C) No soap!!
D) All of the above

But a number of people are writing in (E) and then their personal definition of being transgendered. Hello people, soap is important!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (9/12/12)

Front

Australia Ellen Degeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Australia Ellen Degeneres

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You know how you know when you’re somewhere truly beautiful? Simple. If the location is equally great for 3 things, it’s an amazing place:

1) James Bond fight scene

2) A wedding

3) Over-the-top music video

This place hits all three.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (9/5/12)

Front

ellen degeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen degeneres

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

The Sydney Opera House! Neat-o!

It made me wonder, if every city could have some cultural thing House, what would LA have? What about Houston?

Perhaps more importantly, where would you want to live based on such places of beauty?

For me, it’d have to be the Waco Cat Juggling House – imagine!, all the great cat juggling performances!

Sincerely,

DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Sorry, Waco.

Why am I sending these postcards?

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