Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
I have a multiple choice question for you:
Which of the following rap aliases would you prefer?
A) 2SLeePy
B) Cuddle City
C) The nap attack
D) Little Bo Sleep
Let me know @DumbFunnery!
Sincerely,
That Guy, aka
DumbFunnery.com
You may have noticed when calling a lot of large corporations these days that the customer support has changed. In place of being connected straight away to a person, you answer a few automated prompts.
“Thank you for calling .. Comcast! Customer service is … important to us! Please state the reason for this call!”
That’s when you’re expected to say something like “bills” or “tech support” or “change plan” or who knows what else.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret – the system is even more complex and convoluted than you ever thought.
You remember those old computer text prompt games? For example, Colossal Cave Adventure? In these games you received text descriptions and you responded to the game with a set of commands.
Modern customer service is actually an audio based version of a prompt game. If you’re not getting the help you deserve, try some of these shortcuts.
“Thank you for calling .. Comcast! Customer service is … important to us! Please state the reason for this call!”
“Search room”
“In front of you there is a gathering of inpatient customer service representatives. To your left you see a door that says ‘helpful people.'”
“Open door”
“The door is locked. You will now talk to our worst agent.”
Huh. That didn’t work. Ok, how about this.
“Thank you for calling .. Comcast! Customer service is … important to us! Please state the reason for this call!”
“Grab lantern”
“You are holding a lantern. There is an ON/OFF switch. It is currently OFF.”
“Turn on lantern”
“With the light you can now see that the entire room is full of clowns, laughing and pointing at you. You retreat in fear.”
“Stop retreating in fear”
“Command not recognized.”
“Flee room of my own volition”
“Command not recognized. Our worst agent is on the way to support you.”
Welp. I tried.
Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
Do you think the first chiropractor was just a really bad assassin?
Picture this: you’re home in a deep sleep. You wake up and feel something around your head and neck! Fear has immobilized your body but all you wish you could do is to scream or move or fight back and suddenly there’s a violent movement and … No! … This is the end! … This … Hey, that actually felt pretty good. The mysterious figure tries again the other way and … whala, what relief.
In the end you throw the stranger some money and also get a back massage.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com or @DumbFunnery
DumbFunnery 