Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
Did you know that 90% of children from Holland are happy?
The other 10% are those riding in the barrels. And they are very not happy.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery
December 1 (Friday)
What is happiness?
The kiddo sleeping on me
With little sleep sounds
December 2 (Saturday)
Went shopping today
The dog stayed home and practiced
Her best forlorn look
December 3 (Sunday)
Vid of kid sneezing
And … is that MY voice? Gushing?
WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?
December 4 (Monday)
Hi ho! Hi ho! It’s
(Dramatic audible sigh)
Back to work I go
December 5 (Tuesday)
Winter has arrived
As evidenced by my hands
Dry, cracked, scaly hands
December 6 (Wednesday)
If Quasimodo,
Camels fought for ‘hump day’ rights
Who would win the fight?
December 7 (Thursday)
Got sis from airport
Quick bathroom stop at Dunkin’
Hellooooo donut holes
December 8 (Friday)
Vacation day, fools!
Brewery tour with the sis
Yes please, free samples
December 9 (Saturday)
Take out Thai food plus
Bad Netflix Christmas movie
Equals a good night
December 10 (Sunday)
Aw, happy baby!
AH! Upset screaming baby!!
… My circle of life
December 11 (Monday)
My moment of Zen
Is picturing the kiddo’s
Big, goofy smile
December 12 (Tuesday)
Christmas shopping done!
But for buying myself junk
It’s open season
December 13 (Wednesday)
People have spoken!
Thank God ‘Bama has black folks
White ‘Bamans … The hell?
December 14 (Thursday)
The internet’s free
To be broken for profit
Thank you FCC
December 15 (Friday)
Kid can’t do dairy
So the wife cut out dairy
No milk … For good milk
December 16 (Saturday)
Hosted a small brunch
Everyone there has babies
Life moves pretty fast
December 17 (Sunday)
Kiddo’s belly’s off
Poor kids hardly slept last night
Mom and Pop? No sleep.
December 18 (Monday)
Check the to do list
Huh, it says ‘Be unproductive
Just count til Christmas’
December 19 (Tuesday)
Christmas card crafting
Or, a chance to be cheesy
And show off my son
December 20 (Wednesday)
So great it’s Friday!
*Looks at clock, blinks, sighs, bows head*
I feel so betrayed
December 21 (Thursday)
Tree falls in the woods
Tree summers in the mountains
Tree has some nice homes
December 22 (Friday)
Who here among us
Would like to cast the first stone?
(Glass house unveiling)
December 23 (Saturday)
Hello vacation!
Ten days of sitting around
Plain old glorious
December 24 (Sunday)
Wife’s folks and grandfolks
Visiting us for Christmas
Our kiddo’s first one!
December 25 (Monday)
Merry Christmas, all!
And to those who could care less
Happy Monday, all!
December 26 (Tuesday)
Food out for rabbits
Courtesy my wife’s grandpa
They took most of it!
December 27 (Wednesday)
Saw Star Wars!
He was all, ‘hey man, same team?’
She was like, ‘as if!’
December 28 (Thursday)
Wake up with kiddo
We play or he naps on me
Joys of staycation
December 29 (Friday)
Nature can be cruel
My son gives a giant pout
I giggle, say ‘awwww!’
December 30 (Saturday)
‘Don’t Know What That Means
But it Sounds Intelligent???’
My auto-bio
December 31 (Sunday)
Rang in the new year
By making good burritos
PARTY FOR LIFE, YA’LL
I want a piano. It’s going to happen, it’s just a matter of when.
Recently I was talking about getting a piano and the logistics of it, and my wife took my concerns in stride. This got me thinking, ‘is she just running the numbers?’
Let me explain.
Whenever you need to run some numbers, always go with the abacus (for comedy’s sake).
When a relationship starts you may be gung ho in an effort to be fun and right there with the person. Time goes on, self-honest begins to show up, and then when someone says, ‘hey want to go <do something you don’t like but that person does>.’ Then you say, ‘ummm … here’s the thing …’ That might lead to a conversation.
At some point in a relationship you begin to figure out when you need to have a conversation. Let’s say I go to my wife and I say, ‘next month on the first Saturday we should go do this eight mile hike that I read about!’
In her head my wife likely has two courses of thought: 1, hell no. Eight miles? No. No no no. 2, ehhh … there’s like a 20% chance he’s still going to want to do that on that Saturday, and instead will likely want to sleep in.
That’s running the numbers. You begin to figure out with your partner when things they say are likely to happen, and that weighs on the decision of whether to blindly agree or not.
If you’re not running the numbers in your relationship – you’re just bonkers.
DumbFunnery 