The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘improvement’

Attn: Ellen (10/26/16)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have discovered something about owning a home – it feels great to do things to make the house nicer, especially when those things take little effort.

Changing one light bulb is for dopes, anyone can do that.

But changing FIVE!? In just one day!? Well, self, you deserve a 3-week break from home improvement work.

Sincerely, OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

My Zombie Roomy (9/27/10)

I didn’t want to write about this because, frankly, it’s embarrassing for both the Zombie and me. If it had just been embarrassing for him you can be sure I would’ve written about it pronto.

When I moved in to my apparent I was very excited about several things, one of these was the washer and dryer INSIDE my apartment! This was a big step up from my studio apartment in California. I thought dreamer-type thoughts, ‘I’ll wash my sheets every day!’ ‘My towels will be constantly fresh out of the dryer!’ ‘Never again will I need to do the sniff-test on a t-shirt!’

I have fallen short of these ideals.

Thus, it is with great shame that I report to you that the Zombie had crawled inside the dryer and gotten himself trapped and I didn’t discover him for nine days because I am a total slob.

I don’t really have a guess as to why the Zombie decided to cram himself into the dryer. A lot of alone time, a weird sense of humor, and being undead really lead you to make some odd decisions I guess.

On the plus side I have discovered that the Zombie eats two things: humans and dryer sheets. At first I was annoyed because those things don’t grow on trees, but man his breath has vastly improved.

We’re going to watch some of The Office now – he finds Jim attractive in a humor- and zombie-way.

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