The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘jamaica’

How Many People Right Now …

Think About It!

  • Think about how many people right now are getting speeding tickets
  • How many people are eating hamburger helper and wondering where they went wrong in their lives
  • Eating hamburger helper and hoping there’s enough for seconds
  • Are trying to work on their Jamaican accent by saying “beer can” in a British accent (which translates to “bacon” in Jamaican)
  • How many are saying “did you hear that?” And someone else is saying, “Shh go back to bed” and then the first one saying, “wow … man, I am super drunk …” and then the second one saying, “yeah, why else would I be here?” and then they both laugh because, really, second one, that first one is WAY out of your league!

Animal Facts! (Panda Bear, Elephant, Shrimp Goby, Parrot)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Panda Bear

Think they do a really good Jamaican accent, but good God it sucks.

Dance, monkey!

Ohhhhhh I get it. It’s funny because it’s … wait, I don’t get it.

Reads The Non-Review.

Like school in the summer – no class!

Elephant

Suave. Sophisticated. And somehow still single – nobody gets it.

Favorite joke is: ‘what did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?’  ‘Make me one with everything.’

Call the cops – we got a reallllll joker on our hands.

Rushes to the sexual stuff. Will you ever learn?

Got fourth place in a Leslie Neilson look-alike contest.

Shrimp Goby

Had the nickname ‘the one man dogsled team’ in high school.

Don’t ask, but honestly, don’t have to. If you catch my drift.

They’re like one of those drug commercials. Everything seems great, but really there’s a huge list of possible downsides.

Fresh to death.

Stand up, sit down, fight fight fight!

Parrot

Texas-two-stepped their way into my nightmares.

Honorable to a fault. I’m not sure what that means. But it applies here.

Music starts when they look in your eyes … but then they notice your poor hygiene.

What a silly goose!

Cutie with a bootie.

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