The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘mom’

Thanks, Ma!!

Brag Post! Homemade Quilt!

For a graduation gift my mom made me a quilt using t-shirts that I got while going to SMU. When she came around for a visit a few weeks ago she brought me the finished product. I had given her a hard time about finishing the quilt quite a bit (it’s what children are for) … so now I’ll have to find something new to bother her about.

I’ll say a few things about the shirts.

SMU is a crazy expensive school, but that also means they have lots of scholarships (phew) AND … exciting news for me – they give out t-shirts for FREE at quite a few events. Yes, FREE t-shirts! By the time I graduated I had collected about 40.

The “fraternity” shirts are for Alpha Phi Omega (APO), a co-ed service fraternity. A friend and I “pledged” (again, not at all a traditional fraternity – it’s purpose is to make friends and volunteer) the second semester of my freshman year. It was one of the better decisions I made while at SMU, and my only regret is that I didn’t stay as active as I should’ve.

The second shirt I’ll point out is at the bottom right, for SMUSH! The SMU Service House. I found out about it through APO and I met some fantastic people there. Actually, most all my friends from college are from APO and SMUSH.

Don’t be fooled by this volunteer stuff – I joined because I wanted friends and there were pretty girls. But I do think volunteering can be fun and more people should do it (although I haven’t done any volunteering in a year so who I’m a preaching dummy).

Lastly, TCU sucks.

Thanks again, ma, for the awesome gift!

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Weekly Wacko (66)

Cat-Rap

Something that happens a lot more often than I’d like is having a joke fall flat. This could be because people didn’t hear me (I can sometimes mumble), the joke was not right for the audience (know your audience) or, let’s be honest, because the joke stunk (no comment).

My sophomore year of high school I hung out with my neighbor Ryan a lot. Ryan had a CD of “The Hot Boys.” For a while he was big on playing this CD when we’d drive to Media Play and Krispy Kreme (just your typical Friday night). One of the songs had the following lyrics, “ah-whatcha need boy? [I need a hot girl] ah-whatcha want boy? [I want a hot girl].” The song is called, aptly enough, “I Need a Hot Girl.” It’s on YouTube, you can check out the video for its great lighting … right, great lighting.

One day, my mom and I were the only people at the house. The cat and dog were also around.

The cat meowed.

“Whatcha need, girl?”

Meow.

“Whatcha want, girl?”

In almost perfect synch with the song, my mom had basically duplicated one of The Hot Boys hits, except instead of meowing you’d say “I want a hot girl”/”I need a hot girl.”

Realizing this, I sang loudly, “she wants a hot girrrllll.”

My mom didn’t laugh, but I think my cat and I were at least on the same page, so we laughed about it lots.

***

Go to about 55 seconds in for the brilliant chorus.

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Make Someone Feel Uncomfortable Day 2010

Thanks to my friend Theresa for sharing this link with me about Make Someone Feel Uncomfortable Day 2010. I’m touched that I am associated with creating awkward situations.

Story One: Making Others Uncomfortable

The summer between my 8th and 9th grade years my dad’s side of the family had a HUGE family reunion. A massive amount of Stanleys.

We did all kinds of things but one night we all gathered and sat in this big barn-type room (we were at some very nature-y place in Colorado for the reunion). Everyone was there (minus probably a few old people who had already gone to sleep). We did a few things, and then it came time for …

Family Facts!

Every person in the room would take a turn standing up and telling a little known fact about ‘us Stanleys.’ (If my memory serves correctly – my memory verifier here, aka my mom, was not available.) This whole process was not delightful for me whatsoever. Public speaking. Public speaking at an event where other people were telling jokes and getting laughs. Oh, I had to get a laugh! I just had to!

I remember two facts given. Mine. And my mom’s. My mom’s was funny. Mine …

“A little known fact about [last name] … is that they’re like cockroaches … even if you cut off their head they keep living, and talking …, for weeks.” [Again – I’m not sure exactly about my mom’s joke but I know I was a big fan.] But, if you’re curious – that is a fact about roaches.

Mine: “A little known” (odd licking motion) “fact about us” (again odd licking motion) “is that we’re part snake.”

Yuck. Blech. Gross. My joke TANKED. I would guess that most people just thought I was a weirdo who licked my face a lot, and the confidence-shattering silence across the room probably made me mumble the ‘punch line.’

There you go – I stood up and called my family a bunch of snakes while licking my face excessively. Congratulations to me.

Story Two: Being Uncomfortable because of Someone Else

One time during college the girl I was dating found out that I didn’t really like the word ‘panties.’  [Another friend of mine found the word ‘supple’ to be very uncomfortable, so of course when I found that out everything was described as being ‘supple’ in varying degrees.]

The then-girlfriend found out about the word panties right before we got to the grocery store. My new nickname for that hour was, of course, panties.

“Do you need milk, panties?”
“Hey that cereal is on sale – don’t you like that stuff … panties?”
“Hey panties I’m in this lane checking out! … Panties! … Panties in lane 7. Yes, you, panties!”

The End

There you have it – two uncomfortable situations. They’re both simple enough, harmless to everyone but me (and those hit by my awkward shock-waves). Have a great Make Someone Uncomfortable Day 2010, and a good weekend!

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