The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘odd’

The Loneliest Clone

I am a genetic experiment gone awry
But more than that – I think I’m a pretty nice guy

Just take a chance on me
Take a chance, and you’ll see!

If you could look past my rough exterior
To my superior interior

I think it’d be plain to see
I’m someone you’d like at your next party

The scientist admitted he was drunk when he made me
My fourth arm, for example, appears somehow racist and hazy

I’m a great listener despite having only one ear
But, may I just say, I don’t just listen, I hear

Tell me your stories, your jokes, your woes
I’ll be your devoted audience in smell-proof clothes

A good clone is idempotent
I have claws, fangs, fur, and I’m impotent

That said, a party would be better with my wit
On my search for friends, I’ll never quit

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Du Jour of the Week

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Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop

Hi I’m Wacky Eddie and I want YOU to come check out my One-Stop Medical Shop! Look us up anywhere and you’ll see we’re the option you’ve been looking for!

You won’t find anything BUT positive reviews on YouTube, Facebook, Yelp, Tindr, Twitter, and SnapChat. Everyone loves us – and YOU WILL TOO!

Do you need your teeth cleaned? Do you need a regular check up? Do you need your eyes checked? Come to Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop and you can get all of that taken care of in one efficient and quick visit!

Word of mouth is also a great way to hear about how great we are and I’m using my mouth right now to tell you – we’re great!

Do you need your dog to get some new medications or shots? Do you want your cat freeze-dried in a pose that’ll make you cherish your dearly beloved and deceased friend forever? Do you want to be artificially inseminated or fill out some adoption papers? Why not do all of those things in the course of ONE HOUR! That’s right, the one hour lonely hearts special to get your living pets taken care of, your dead pets freeze-dried, and you to be on your way to having a kid? Do it all in ONE HOUR!

Come to Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop and with a visit of any duration we’ll put your name in the lottery to have your body frozen after you die in case science discovers a way to bring you back to life!

Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop – you’d be wacky NOT to see us!!

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Du Jour of the Week

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Disney Princes and Their Kinks

  • Guy from Cinderella – feet
  • Guy from Sleeping Beauty – let’s not get into that
  • Guy from Little Mermaid – girls who, when they laugh, sound kinda like a dolphin
  • Guy from Rapunzel – you know that thing where you get a haircut but you never get rid of the hair instead you build like a little home? This guy knows allll about that
  • Guy from Beauty and the Beast – rumor has it when he was first turned into a “beast” he thought, “sweet, I’ll weed out the weird girls who aren’t into animals” … but then I guess he realized, as a beast, how much more difficult it was to use toilet paper so he was a little fed up with the idea of being a beast at that point
cinderella-glass-slipper

Hey girl, lemme see those feet … Awwwyissss

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Du Jour of the Week, Uncategorized

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