Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
My son is now a big one year old! That’s exciting! And the dog, I think as a self-preservation technique, has started to go deaf. Good thinking, pooch!
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
P.S. Headed to listen to a train toy sing about the alphabet … for the 17th time this morning.
Let’s dive into the oldies song, The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s in His Kiss). This is a song where the main singer could, understandably, get pretty frustrated.
Why? Because she is apparently talking to a bunch of duimmies who don’t know how to listen.
Let’s take a look.
The song starts off simply enough, the lead singer is telling us about a fella, her friends ask a few questions, and then she quickly reveals the secret to seeing where you stand.
Does he love me
I want to know
How can I tell if he loves me so
Is it in his eyes?
Oh no! You’ll be deceived
Is it in his sighs?
Oh no! He’ll make believe
If you want to know if he loves you so
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
Oh yeah
Great. Secret revealed. Let’s move on. Right? Wrong. Because these dumb dumbs weren’t paying the SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION.
Or is it in his face?
Oh no! That’s just his charms
In his warm embrace?
Oh no! That’s just his arms
I mean … come on, guys. Pay attention. And you can tell she’s getting a little short with them explaining that a hug is done with arms. Boom. Take that zinger.
The singer then goes on to once again explain that it’s in his kiss. She really spends some time on it.
And guess what happens as soon as she’s done explaining again? Yep.
How about the way he acts
Oh no! That’s not the way
And you’re not listenin’ to all I say
At this point the lead singer is really calling them out. But they respond with an equally sharp rebuttal by ASKING THE SAME QUESTION!
How about the way he acts
… At this point the lead singer essentially loses her poop (that’s the PG version!) and goes nuts, singing it’s in his kiss over and over and over A LOT. See, check it out.
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
Oh whoa it’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
Oh yeah it’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
Ooh it’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is
That’s the insane singings of a crazy person. And she was driven crazy by her listening-challenged friends.
Next time you enjoy this great oldies hit, remember that you are listening to someone’s mental state collapse before your very ears.
Enjoy!
A friend of mine might be joining a band, so I went ahead and wrote a song for him to dazzle his new bandmates. It’s called Squatter’s Writes.
Squatter’s Writes
(to the tune of Bye, Bye Miss American Pie)
Many, many moons ago
There lived a man who you might know
His name was Henry David Thoreau
And he wrote this book while feeling … the flow
(A slow-moving, reflection kind of tone)
When nature speaks you shut up and listen
If you don’t your brow will glisten
Dig a hole in the ground
Let your imagination go to great heights
Because buddy, pal, my main muchacho,
We’re talking ‘bout Squatter’s Writes
(A mix of country and rap, a crap if you will)
While writing Walden HDT only ate prunes
He kept a journal out in a field
He wore wool socks to keep warm at night
Talking to himself was more than all right
He’d sit there answering nature’s call
Reflecting, and writing, about it all
DumbFunnery 