The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘song’

Attn: Ellen (8/29/18)

Front

Ellen363a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen363b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

My son is now a big one year old! That’s exciting! And the dog, I think as a self-preservation technique, has started to go deaf. Good thinking, pooch!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Headed to listen to a train toy sing about the alphabet … for the 17th time this morning.

Why am I doing this?

 

It’s in His Kiss

Let’s dive into the oldies song, The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s in His Kiss). This is a song where the main singer could, understandably, get pretty frustrated.

Why? Because she is apparently talking to a bunch of duimmies who don’t know how to listen.

Let’s take a look.

The song starts off simply enough, the lead singer is telling us about a fella, her friends ask a few questions, and then she quickly reveals the secret to seeing where you stand.

Does he love me
I want to know

How can I tell if he loves me so

Is it in his eyes?

Oh no! You’ll be deceived

Is it in his sighs?

Oh no! He’ll make believe

If you want to know if he loves you so

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is
Oh yeah



Great. Secret revealed. Let’s move on. Right? Wrong. Because these dumb dumbs weren’t paying the SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION.

Or is it in his face?

Oh no! That’s just his charms

In his warm embrace?

Oh no! That’s just his arms



I mean … come on, guys. Pay attention. And you can tell she’s getting a little short with them explaining that a hug is done with arms. Boom. Take that zinger.

The singer then goes on to once again explain that it’s in his kiss. She really spends some time on it.

And guess what happens as soon as she’s done explaining again? Yep.

How about the way he acts

Oh no! That’s not the way

And you’re not listenin’ to all I say

At this point the lead singer is really calling them out. But they respond with an equally sharp rebuttal by ASKING THE SAME QUESTION!

How about the way he acts

… At this point the lead singer essentially loses her poop (that’s the PG version!) and goes nuts, singing it’s in his kiss over and over and over A LOT. See, check it out.

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is
Oh whoa it’s in his kiss

That’s where it is
Oh yeah it’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

Ooh it’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

It’s in his kiss

That’s where it is

That’s the insane singings of a crazy person. And she was driven crazy by her listening-challenged friends.

Next time you enjoy this great oldies hit, remember that you are listening to someone’s mental state collapse before your very ears.

Enjoy!

Squatter’s Writes

A friend of mine might be joining a band, so I went ahead and wrote a song for him to dazzle his new bandmates. It’s called Squatter’s Writes.

 

Squatter’s Writes

(to the tune of Bye, Bye Miss American Pie)
Many, many moons ago
There lived a man who you might know
His name was Henry David Thoreau
And he wrote this book while feeling … the flow

(A slow-moving, reflection kind of tone)
When nature speaks you shut up and listen
If you don’t your brow will glisten
Dig a hole in the ground
Let your imagination go to great heights
Because buddy, pal, my main muchacho,
We’re talking ‘bout Squatter’s Writes

(A mix of country and rap, a crap if you will)
While writing Walden HDT only ate prunes
He kept a journal out in a field
He wore wool socks to keep warm at night
Talking to himself was more than all right
He’d sit there answering nature’s call
Reflecting, and writing, about it all

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