The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘squatter’

Attn: Ellen (7/5/17)

Front

Ellen315a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen315b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Unless this girl is a squatter, I’m not entirely sure she knows what ‘moderate cost’ means. But hey, we all need a summer shack, right?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Squatter’s Writes

A friend of mine might be joining a band, so I went ahead and wrote a song for him to dazzle his new bandmates. It’s called Squatter’s Writes.

 

Squatter’s Writes

(to the tune of Bye, Bye Miss American Pie)
Many, many moons ago
There lived a man who you might know
His name was Henry David Thoreau
And he wrote this book while feeling … the flow

(A slow-moving, reflection kind of tone)
When nature speaks you shut up and listen
If you don’t your brow will glisten
Dig a hole in the ground
Let your imagination go to great heights
Because buddy, pal, my main muchacho,
We’re talking ‘bout Squatter’s Writes

(A mix of country and rap, a crap if you will)
While writing Walden HDT only ate prunes
He kept a journal out in a field
He wore wool socks to keep warm at night
Talking to himself was more than all right
He’d sit there answering nature’s call
Reflecting, and writing, about it all

Attn: Ellen (8/27/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m pretty sure this postcard is supposed to be for people who like western ladies but … what? Does the framed photo on the cactus mean this is her home? In that case is she poor or a squatter? If she’s poor is the horse stolen or does she have terrible money management?

Please chime in Ellen and/or Arizona.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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