The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘strange things bother me’

Charmin Bears Can’t … Bear It

Remember the Charmin commercial? The toilet paper the cartoon bears used?

I know I’m strange, and I latch onto odd things – but this commercial really bothered me. I was going through old notebooks and I found a tiny thing I wrote about this.

Check it out.

Charmin Bears Can’t … Bear It

These bears have bits of toilet paper ALL over their, you know, rear end type “areas” – and I say “area” because they have no parts down there. They’re all Barbie-fied. You know, no Capital City. So these Charmin bears can’t go to the bathroom AND they can’t have sex.

Here’s how I imagine a conversation going between two of these Charmin bears:

“Hey, morning.”


“So … whaddya wanna do today?”

“I don’t know – DIE! I’ve gotta go to the bathroom SO BAD.”

“Oh no …”


“I just realized mating season is coming up …”

“GOD! As though I’m not irritable enough!”

“Did you say irritable?”

“Well, not like … not like THAT …”


“Where’s that kid bear?”

“Probably out ripping up toilet paper and gluing it to his fur.”

“I swear, if that kid doesn’t have A learning disability he has two.”

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