The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Weekly Wacko’

Show Me Your Pimp Walk

With a title like that, this story has a lot to live up to. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy it.

My junior year of college I had been dating a girl, let’s call her Flecks, for a month or two when we had a big night in our relationship. We became ourselves around each other.

Up til then we joked and goofed around with each other, at each other’s expense, etc., but I wouldn’t say that we were really ourselves. There was still the desire to be cute or attractive in most everything that you do around that person. Why? To get the dope to like you til you’re at the point of feeling comfortable.

We were hanging out in my room, listening to music, talking, and making out (aww yeah). I was excited because that day I had bought a new CD. A James Brown greatest hits CD. Twenty songs from James Brown for six dollars! Too much yes!

And I think, dear savvy reader, you can probably start to see where that title came from.

My music comes to the new songs and I think Flecks was amused by this. I tell her that the Payback is the best song in the world for doing a pimp walk.

I get up, switch to the Payback, and pimp walk over to the bed.

She laughs hysterically at me/with me. Then I say, “come on, show me your pimp walk.” Which I said sincerely, but she then went on to repeat mock-seductively. Then followed that with even more laughter. But, without any real hesitation, up she jumped … and pimp walked like a champ.

We pimp-walked around in circles in my tiny room and enjoyed how much we enjoyed each other.

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Highlights from the 5k I Recently Ran

1 – Nearing the turn around point, this one super pretty girl. Yes, she alone counts as a highlight. I thought to myself, “ok, pick up the pace and catch her …” (She ran too fast for me right now.) After I hit the turn around point I realized, no dice on miss magically pretty. Wherever you are, fast-paced nice legs, I like your legs. And probably your face. (I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but I’m pretty sure she was hot?)

2 – With about 1 mile to go I passed a really tall black dude. He said, “get it brother.” Yeah, that’s what’s up. I guess you could say I’m good at ‘race’ relations … get it? Because he’s black, and we were racing? Oh, yes, that’s Frasier worthy.

3 – Ok. Here I’ll show some running prejudice. I don’t like it when people jog like a dummy with a fast car on a road full of stop lights. It bothers me to see someone run really fast, slow, slow, slow, walk, repeat.

I passed by a guy who was doing this, then he got into the fast mode and sprinted past me, about 30 seconds later I passed him again.

After the run ended I was hanging out by the finish line when I see him cross. “WHOOOOO!” he shouted excitedly, raising one arm to the sky. Then he leans over, puts his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath … and PUKES like a champ. I just stared (and continued to eat my banana). His parents corraled him and steered him away from standing right in the middle of the road, and then he puked some more.

4 – I established a new identity for myself. Helpful post-race banana guy.

a – Two girls working a tent for another run (one that benefits cancer research) walked up to the food tent. “Can we have some food?” One volunteer looks at the head volunteer who says, “No, it’s just for the runners.” Then he looks over at the other volunteers and says again, loudly, “the food is only for the runners!” A minute or so later I go up and grab two bananas. I walk over to the girls at the cancer run tent, put the banana on the table and say, “I smuggled you a banana.” Then I walk away. Seriously. I wasn’t even attracted to either of them and this is the phrase that came out of my mouth. Can you imagine the creepy/weird thing I would’ve said if I’d talked to the pretty girl? Frightening.

b – A girl is talking to her friend. “Do you know if they have food here? I really want a banana!” I say, “there’s bananas over there,” and point. She turns and laughs saying, “oh I guess you heard me!” then she kinda goes in for a hug? I give her a confused look and sort of back up. In my defense, she was really sweaty.

Impressive how many little micro-awkward moments there can be between 7 and 730 am on a Sunday surrounded by sweaty people, huh?

On a bragging personal note, I got 25th in the race!! Go go gadget gazelle legs!

This gets me halfway to accomplishing another one of the 80 or so items on my 2012 Bucket List! See the full list here.

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SxSW 2010 – Random Funny Moments

V.V. Brown sang at the British Music Embassy. Before singing she talked about how she loves music, and her parents were from Jaimaca and Puerto Rico (she is pretty!). After the show the brother-in-law talked about her and didn’t think she’d said that. As she was walking off stage I stopped her to ask where she said her parents were from. She answered. I looked at the bro and said, “HA!”, VV, who had no idea why, also looked at him and said, “HA!” and then she walked off.

At some point E$ suggested I get posters from various places as we went around. An awesome idea because there were some great poster designs – the only problem was the guilt/awkward feeling of taking one randomly. I didn’t think too much of it obviously, because I have 5 now … and there were tons all over the place. But at one venue I stopped a random girl, “hey do you think it’s ok if I take that poster?” The girl responded, “umm, I don’t know? I don’t work here, but I don’t have a problem with you taking one.” I said, “ok, as long as someone ok’d it.” Boom.

Walking along the street Joseph Gordon-Levitt handed us fliers for a movie he was there promoting. My brother in law said, “I loved you on SNL!” (he had been on recently), meanwhile I stared and thought, “man that guy looks like that dude.”

We got on a bus full of drunk music-goers. They were singing well-known songs like the theme from Gilligan’s Island, the Jefferson’s and some Journey song. At some an older Mexican dude gets on the bus. He seems pleased by the singing, and would randomly repeat a line a number of times (there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it). If I had been drunk, the singing would’ve been great, but since I wasn’t, the old Mexican dude made it great.

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