The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘weird’

Existential Scales Are the Worst

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Pictures

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Dear Jon Mad Lib

Heya (condescending nickname), how are you?

Listen, we really need to talk. Take a seat on that (noun).

Look, things between us have been (adjective), and it’s been wonderful. But then, last Tuesday, I was watching (movie or TV show) and it made me realize two things.

One, you look a lot like a young (B movie actor or actress).

I’m kidding. Please. Stop (synonym for crying).

But wait, I have more to (verb).

The other thing it made me realize is that, well, you aren’t (adjective) enough.

No! Wait! It’s not you!, it’s (noun)!

Honest, I wish things had gone differently.

But they didn’t, you (barn animal).

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Du Jour of the Week

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My Zombie Roomy (7/7/11)

This could be bad.

I was watching Wolf, starring Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer, and suddenly the Zombie sat bolt upright.

If I had been Scooby Doo I would’ve said, “ruh roh.” I’m not Scooby Doo, so instead I said the human, four-letter equivalent of “ruh roh.”

That’s when the Zombie tried to howl like a wolf. It was like watching a cat bark. Not natural, but kind of funny. Only most barking cats don’t get up, walk out of your apartment, and disappear into the woods for a few days and come back with hair glued all over their clothes.

So I guess the Zombie is pretending to be a werewolf for a while? Let’s hope it’s a short phase, I keep having to vacuum and it is so annoying.

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My Zombie Roomy

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