The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘zombie’

My Zombie Roomy (11/15/10)

The Zombie has a way weirder sense of humor than I realized. Just nuts.

Last night I was all loopy because I was really sleepy. One of those giggly/sleepy times.

Anyway we were on the couch watching Legend of the Seeker (I’m a little bit in love with the Mother Confessor?). The Zombie kind of likes her, too. I think he doesn’t realize it’s a TV show, so it might just be respect for her magic and whatnot.

I said, “hey Zombigus, if you saw her at a bar by herself what would you say to her?”

The Zombie looked down and it looked like he maybe had a slight grin, then he turned his head away from me a little bit and I thought – oh this is going to be good!

Then he looked back and he had removed a tooth! He was holding it up and doing this sort of debonair look, like, “I brought you this fancy drink.” Except it was a tooth.

I was shocked, then I saw him grinning, and I just started cracking up.

A tooth! I’m not sure if it would work, but it’d be memorable and that’s half the battle right?

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (10/26/10)

I hadn’t seen the Zombie in a while, but I came home today and the bathroom door was closed. I thought about it and I was pretty sure I hadn’t closed the bathroom door before I left.

This got me nervous.

Then I heard some sloshing coming from inside the bathroom. Bathtub sounds.

This made me even more nervous. And pretty curious.

I walked up to the bathroom and listened. After I heard a few sounds from inside I knew it was the Zombie. You might think I felt better knowing that – but not really. The Zombie doesn’t use the bathroom. The Zombie doesn’t take baths. The Zombie doesn’t close doors.

What is happening?

“Zombie, I’m going to open the door …” I said, a little worried.

I opened the door and I saw something that shocked me. Absolutely shocked me.

The Zombie had lit some candles, was laying in the bath tub with tons of bubbles, he had some old-fashioned hair curlers he had somehow shoved into his head, and was gnawing on a self-help book on how to get over being broken up with (based on the books cover, ironic I know, it looked to be a book for heterosexual women).

The Zombie burped, and we both laughed. Things are back on track with me and the Zomb!

Also because of the bath he doesn’t smell like death, mixed with curry, mixed with feet! He instead just smells like death.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (10/5/10)

WOW! Mind-blowing realization today about the Zombie, and all zombies, while at work!

I’ll share with you how I came to this thought.

I started thinking the Zombie is pretty asexual. He never talks about any particular girl or guy. No interest in anyone it seems – which I don’t get! The Zombie has a lot going for himself, and I think if he’d just put himself out there … well, never mind all that.

I was thinking about this whole ‘asexual’ thing and then thought, wait let me look up asexual to see that I have it right. And I did, but also there’s ‘asexual reproduction.’ And zombies reproduce by killing … so it’s like, equating it to most other animals, when a zombie kills you they’re having sex with you!

DANG!

Suddenly there are a ton of horror/porn flicks on the market. Sean of the Dead? Porn. 28 Days Later? Porn. That’s right, people, you’re into zombie porn.

Chew on that.

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My Zombie Roomy

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