The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for July, 2015

All’s Whale That Ends Whale

Coming this fall prepare yourself for the latest cheap capitalization on a family name with Captain Ahab, Ishmael and the gang. Joseph H. Melville, great great grandson of Herman Melville, will take you on a brand new adventure with some familiar faces in All’s Whale That Ends Whale.

Was the white whale that Captain Ahab saw actually just a large human body floating in the ocean a ways away? And was that human body murdered? And say, didn’t that one shipmate say he used to work as a detective?

Who’s this lovely lady who is a ship inspector? Can Ahab charm her away from the unsafe practices on his ship … and into his arms?

Is the crew extra mutinous today, or is that a case of the fabled vampire scurvy, scurvy that causes vampire-like tendencies to develop?

And what’s that over the ocean, a space ship! … from OUTER SPACE?

Find out all of this, AND MORE, in All’s Whale That Ends Whale!

Let Me Get My Special Racing Shoes!

When I was very young, let’s say four years old, I had a pair of sneakers that I believed in. They were my Special Racing Shoes. If I was wearing regular shoes and we raced, you may very well beat me. That’s fine. It happens. But if I was wearing my Special Racing Shoes – I COULD NOT LOSE.

This was perhaps a theory developed by racing against my mom, or dad, or sister, and beating them while wearing my Special Racing Shoes.

Or, equally possible, I had bestowed this quality of speed improvement abilities based solely on how cool they look.

One day my brother (who is seven years older) and I were talking or maybe I just interrupted a conversation he was having with others – I have no memory of the conversation – I just know the outcome was him saying “let’s race” and me saying “let me get my Special Racing Shoes” because, ipso facto, I was going to win. I was excited. I knew I was about to win and this was a thrilling thought to beat my 11 year old brother.

Shoes on, laced up (Velcro-d?), ready to rock. And your mark. Get set. DREAMS CRUSHED.

My brother did not slow down one iota. My Special Racing Shoes became … sneakers.

Fast forward twenty-five-ish years. I’m running regularly and trying harder than I did even while in high school cross-country and track. I’m actually placing at running events (in my age bracket that is). And what do I owe it all to? My Special Racing Shoes!

When I go for a regular jog I wear a pair of New Balance shoes (I pretty much always stick with New Balance for jogging) and la de da I trot my merry self along until I become tired and not that merry and then questioning of my sanity and angry and then I near the finish and I’m pumped and I can do this! and then I’m burnt out and I’m tired again and just. want. to. finish. and then there I am, done. And I am a-ok with the idea of another jog. But on race days … oh, on race days I wear a different pair of New Balance. A pair with practically 0 drop and very little support (I reserve these for 5ks and 10ks). With these puppies on I’m not unbeatable, but honest to goodness, I tend to run faster.

A newer version of my race day shoes.

Why? Well, with the different shoe design my body has a good reason to strike the ground differently (more a mid or fore-foot strike).

Normally I might hit heel-toe-spring off to the next step. With my minimum support shoes I strike mid-foot-spring to the next step. You see that? That’s hit-go instead of hit-hit-go.

A necessary caveat: I have read various articles about running and rearfoot vs mid-foot strike and the conclusion is … inconclusive. Some articles say one is better, others say the other. In my opinion, it’s whatever works best for you. For me, I think when I focus on striking with mid-foot (vs my usual which I feel leans slightly rearfoot) I am faster because I’m focused on hitting the ground and getting my foot into the air quickly. The difference may purely be a result of higher cadence. Here’s one example article that says I’m dead wrong in saying midfoot is better.

Whatever it is, my dear friends, it is the magic of the Special Racing Shoes.

Attn: Ellen (7/8/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Recently I went to Minnesota for the first time and I found it to be pretty, full of friendly people, and lots of in-laws.

This may not hold for all.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?