Attn: Ellen | DumbFunnery | Page 54

The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Attn: Ellen (12/2/15)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I think if I was a quarterback in the NFL before hiking the ball I would yell for an audible if necessary, but I would also yell, “run toward me if you need a hug, hug city right here, hug city, hug city, set … HIKE!”

And then after the play I’d say to the defensive guys, “boy you guys really wanted hugs, huh?” and I bet, looking deep into the eyes of the middle line backer, I would be able to see he both wanted to tackle me AND wanted a hug.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

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Attn: Ellen (11/25/15)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Thanksgiving is to my belly

as

The beautiful scenery on this postcard is to me (except on Thanksgiving, or possibly the day after … when I prefer 0 movement).

In other words, happy Thanksgiving! I hope it’s wonderful.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

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Attn: Ellen (11/18/15)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Rhinoceroses are like nature’s way of saying, “in case you were curious, here’s what saggy armor looks like.”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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