The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Attn: Ellen’ Category

Attn: Ellen (7/30/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think the first chiropractor was just a really bad assassin?

Picture this: you’re home in a deep sleep. You wake up and feel something around your head and neck! Fear has immobilized your body but all you wish you could do is to scream or move or fight back and suddenly there’s a violent movement and … No! … This is the end! … This … Hey, that actually felt pretty good. The mysterious figure tries again the other way and … whala, what relief.

In the end you throw the stranger some money and also get a back massage.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com or @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/23/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This week, in “The Adventures of Being Engaged,” I learned that there is a product called a ‘Silicone Wisk.’ This is not another way of saying trophy wife but instead a kitchen tool.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/16/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Now that the World Cup is over, what sport should Americans pay a marginal amount of attention to? Baseball of course!

Baseball answers all of the important summertime questions like

1) Just how bored am I?

2) Is there anything worse on TV than this infomercial?

3) How is grandpa taking another nap on the couch?

Let’s hear it for America’s favorite pastime, a sport that inspires daydreams and a love of stadiums with wi-fi. Oh look, since I started writing this the pitcher threw a strike! Hooray!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?