The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Graduation … It’s a milestone that is at once happy, and upon further reflection, terrifying.

Let’s say you get yourself a lovely corporate job and you’re reading through orientation information and filling out paperwork and your work offers a lovely savings program. You think to yourself, “I’ve never made much money so … I won’t even notice that I’m missing five percent of my paycheck.” Then you say goodbye to that five percent.

That’s fine – here’s where it gets depressing. The money is put into something which is oriented towards the day you will retire … which is more than forty years away.

Moving on …

There’s a good chance you already know all of this, and possibly more than me. Nevertheless, I am going to write about this (hasn’t everything already been covered anyway? So why not add my voice to the redundant, overdone chorus?). My sister likes to make fun of me for having become very corporate, and I’ve come to realize that she is kind of right. Now to add to my corporate image …

***

First off, congrats on getting a job. I will give three pieces of unwarranted advice.

Piece of advice number one: Expect unwarranted advice. Listen to it anyway.

Piece of advice number two: SSSSSSMILE!

Piece of advice number three: If when you tell people about what you do, you try to make it sound more complicated than it actually is … Stop it. I don’t have a reason for that one, it just annoys me.

Top 10 Signs That …

Top 10 Signs That … You’re Just Mailing It In on a Blog Post

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I am watching game three of the Bulls/Heat series and the announcers are making me laugh. It’s not anything unique they are doing, it seems to be all sports announcers. And ESPN talking heads during SportsCenter and what not.

These are some of the most dramatic people you will ever meet. I’ll give you an example.

“Boozer has 8 points six minutes into the first quarter, and he only had fourteen points total in the first two games!”

Sports announcers and ESPN folks love to give dramatic projections.

So and so has four home runs through the first six games of the season, that means by the end of the season …

So and so has eight rushing touchdowns through four game of the season, at this rate …

It’s silly. And then they have conversations over their straight projections. Other times someone will come on and say so and so is having a hot streak, so they’ll say, “ok fine, if you reduce this by …” and then they’ll give a slightly less projection.

I want to apply this to boring, daily life activities. Please read this in your best radio/sports caster voice.

“Only up for twelve minutes and Jon has ALREADY consumed ONE bowl of cereal. He’s on pace to break a record for CEREAL meals in the course of a day! We could be witnessing history.”

“Woah … ANOTHER sneeze from June which is … I believe that makes three already today. If you think about that, we could be seeing a WHOLE LOT of sneezing through the course of the day!”

I could go on … but you get the point … and I’m lazy.

(P.S. If you think that’s a lazy ending, just wait for tomorrow’s post.)