The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘30’

Attn: Ellen (8/20/14)


Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Waking up today for the first time as a 30-year old! I thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “there’s no real difference” then I took a bite of cereal as a 30-year old! and thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “don’t be silly really I’m one day older,” then when I grabbed my keys to go to work I resolved myself because I knew I’d be hearing cheesy jokes about being an old man all day.

And by resolved myself I mean I debated calling in sick.

Sincerely, OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Gaining Wisdom with Age

Soon I will be 30. THIRTY! Pretty crazy, eh past self?

You bet, hoss.

I remember way back when, using a bathroom and making silly faces in the mirror while I washed my hands, and then trying to transition quickly to a ‘thinking really hard’ face when someone else walks in the bathroom, and then starting to laugh to myself because I totally tricked that dude who just walked in the bathroom and oh no now I’m laughing out loud and then ANOTHER person comes in the bathroom and … Well, I’m just glad that’s in the past. I’ll be 30 soon!

That happened earlier today.

Yeah but it won’t happen when I’m THIRTY and an adult!

Eh. We’ll see.

Past self – how come you seem smarter than me?

Sorry. Tell me more things that’ll change with you being thirty.

Well, I think I’ll start subscribing to the local paper.

Oh cool, big papier-mâché project in mind?

No, to be informed! To read the news and … know stuff.

Oh yeah, hey, past self from when you turned 25 you should join this conversation.

Hey fellas, what’s up?!

Current self thinks he’s going to subscribe to the paper to be well informed and have opinions on the community and such.

Oh yeah, opinions on the community! Good one! Also maybe check out a garage sale or estate sale to pick up some weird local stuff.

Oh cool! I’m going to do the same any day now!

… Hey … Wait … 25 year old self … You’re also about to start reading the paper and …

Yeah most definitely!

Dang it generic past self, you’re an a-hole. Are you trying to show me that I haven’t mentally evolved at all from the time I was 25 til now?

No, not at all. You have really fast internet now.


%d bloggers like this: