The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘art’

Attn: Ellen (1/31/18)

Front

Ellen336a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen336b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder how many artists who ended up being revolutionary brought early works to their mom or dad, who weren’t revolutionary artist types, and the mom or dad responded with an, “ohhh! … boy! … that’s … yeah! Neat!”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (2/19/14)

Front

Ellen158a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen158b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here you go! You get part one of my ultra post modern art! (If I don’t deserve a gallery showing, who does!?)

(Awesome picture – you should really look at the postcard …)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

If you think this makes no sense, try reading last week’s. It might help (might).

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (2/12/14)

Front

Ellen157a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen157b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I think it’s time for me to begin my ultra post modern art career (where I’ll draw simple shapes then write sexual phrases in a sensual font (God knows what that means), like a circle and then “hubba hubba”). The key is not my art, that’s rock solid, but instead to have a nutty art critic love my work, THEN all the other critics need to give rave reviews so they won’t appear to be heind.

Easy peasy!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

So … Here’s Some Art For Ya

In 1976, the twenty-six-year-old Belgian director Chantal Akerman returned to New York – the site of her wanderings earlier in the decade – to make “News from Home,” a serene and monumental time capsule of Manhattan streetscapes and subways. Akerman transformed her luminous, textured images of the city’s rectilinear majesty by means of a simple yet radical gesture: she paired them, on the soundtrack, with her own reading of newsy and needy letters that her mother wrote from their home town of Brussels.

The New Yorker

Other feature films that Akerman was rumored to have considered:

  • Beautiful shots of city basketball courts, paired with a recording of husky breathing by her aging grandmother
  • Picturesque desert sunsets, with superimposed images of skyscraper construction sites, and paired with a looped recording of a mom asking, “Say cheese! … Wait is this on movie mode? How do I make this take a -“
  • A split screen view with one side having breathtaking footage of Yosemite Natural Park, and the other side a small but busy barbershop, paired with flopped Rodney Dangerfield jokes
  • Vignettes of stray city cats paired with a doting father’s advice and lessons teaching a son or daughter how to drive a car

Did Monet Have Bad Vision?

Here we see what appear to be strawberries that Monet, known for his clumsiness, probably dropped on some grass on a rainy day. Tough luck dude, looks like you better head back to the grocery store.

 

This embarrassing flop is supposed to be a painting of a rose. Man, that guy really needed glasses, am I right?

 

 

One day, it is reported, Monet woke up and decided to paint what he saw outside his window. What he didn’t realize was that someone had been washing his window and left smudges all over it. Hey, this kinda looks like waves though. That’s cool. What good luck.

“Portrait of a Boy” by Chaim Soutine

Portrait of a Boy Chaim Soutine

Portrait of a Boy, by Chaim Soutine, 1928

Father: Hi Chaim, nice to meet you.

Chaim: Hello, it’s nice to –

Boy: Father?

Father: Yes, please, one second, I’m talking to the artist.

Chaim: I will be painting your son today?

Father: Yes.

Chaim: Do you have any special requests?

Father: Make him look sassy. And like half his face is melting off.

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