The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘awkward silence’

Animal Facts! (Racing Piglets, Prize Winning Cow, Black Panther, Parrot)

Racing Piglets

(note: I took this picture at the Texas State Fair. The pigs had names like ‘Jean Claude van Ham.’)

Had a dream about you last night.

Rates the opposite sex as either: ‘me-ow’ or ‘woof.’

Hey, it’s been real. You know, it’s been fun too. It’s been real … fun …

Own leather pants. I mean … come on … how hysterical is that?

Oh gag me. Just ulghhh. Blehhhh. Blech!

Prize Winning Cow

Would sell his soul to the devil for … you guessed it … a ham sandwich.

Says things that are accidentally funny all the time.

In high school was in a crappy band called “band-wagon.”

Wrote an autobiography of himself and called it My Sparknotes. In the ‘motif’ section he has, “rejection, loneliness, massive amounts of ice cream.”

Calls himself “Rudy, but for chess instead of football.” If you think about it, that’s pretty self-insulting – because Rudy was too small for football, and it’s not your physical size that matters for chess.

Black Panther

Doesn’t understand why contractions mean don’t and won’t, but it also means frightening things for pregnant women.

OMFG!!!! Oh wait, sorry, thought you were someone else.

If pressed, would guess that Paula Deen is 57% butter.

Is very fast to correct you if you say “Barnes & Nobles.” It’s, apparently, “Barnes & Noble.”

Took a break from working to write a lovely note to his girlfriend. Unfortunately, because he’d just been coding in C++, started the comment with ‘//.’

Parrot

Favorite pick-up line is: “Join now and save 10%.”

Is looking down on you right now.

Feels like there probably is a Heaven and Hell. But worries he won’t get into either.

Simply can NOT believe … about whatever stupid latest celebrity news is.

Likes the crusts cut off, thank you very much.

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Animal Facts

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Quotes of the Day!

“I was being unselfish for selfish reasons.”
– Pushing Daisies, Episode 1, Season 1

I like that line a lot (the context makes it even better, but I don’t want to give the show away. Also I don’t want to write that much). I would say the show is very “sweet” (as in nice, not as in “sweet!” – like you’d say when you found out you still have a doughnut left).

“He’s the idealist, he’s the dreamer of a beautiful dream, and even if the dream doesn’t come true it’s rather thrilling to have dreamt it.”

– The Razor’s Edge, W. Somerset Maugham

I highly recommend that book. Also, I’m sure there are a lot of would-be writers, musicians, whatevers really – who are dreaming about something until the day it comes true.

Lord have mercy I am sentimental today. I’m going to go swear at some old ladies and push down children.

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Quotes of the Day!

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My Zombie Roomy (7/30/10)

Every once and a while I go through a phase where I watch a bunch of stand-up comic videos on youtube and then I think about the idea of becoming a stand-up comic myself.

Me a stand-up comic! You betcha!

Like just now I already came up with another joke. Stand-up comic. Stand-up guy. I could do a whole routine on the boy scouts! (Work in progress.)

Anyway I’ve perhaps illustrated my point with the above ‘joke.’ I am a terrible comedian. Like, really awful. I thought I was bad, but I figured I couldn’t be that bad. So I tried some jokes out on the Zombie and I think he wants to kill me now? Not even like eat my brains – like killing me for practical reasons. He just really hated my act.

This is troublesome.

I wonder if there’s an emoticon to express worry over soon becoming the undead?

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My Zombie Roomy

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