The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘awkward silence’

Weekly Wacko (42)

I thought of Brenda and Mike today (they’re explained below) because my work ‘situation’ right now reminds me of them. I am enjoying the extra odd, somewhat dark, humor that comes out of these stressful situations.

My friend J – who I work with now – made a somewhat dark joke. At work you can ‘self-nominate,’ that is choose to be one of the ones to get fired. A group of us walked over to McDonald’s and Jake said he could jump in front of a car and yell, “self-nominated!!!” Another friend joked that we should do a roast of our software product if we do get canned. Pretty geeky joke but it cracked me up.


Worst-Case Friendship

I worked with a small team for about a year and a half. It was my first job right out of college, and this was not the case for them. I was junior to each of them by about twenty years – this varied person to person, but that’s a good amount to say for the average age difference.

I took a while to get comfortable working with them for two big reasons: I was their junior in age, which meant also in experience. Secondly, I don’t know what to do with my sense of humor in a work-environment, so I clam up even more than usual. Which, between you, me, and anyone willing to read this, that’s a lot of clamming up.

Eventually I was able to crack jokes and be myself somewhat. This was especially true with two of the co-workers: Brenda and Mike.

Budget cuts forced our part of the large program we were working on to end. Two senior developers (that is, software engineers, or programmers, or coders, or code monkeys, or socially tactless buffoons, or whatever you want to call them) left pretty quickly after we found out we’d be ending. This left a strain on the rest of the team to close out our product. During this time I got to be much more comfortable and jokes-y with Brenda and Mike. I’d say it was one of those bonding under harsh situations kinds of things.

That is, harsh according to corporate America standards. Not really harsh in the grand scheme of things, just frustrating with job uncertainty and working overtime. Yes, that’s right, working overtime to make sure we do a good job to end our work. Ironic in a corporate-humor-cynical-guy kind of way.

Brenda and I moved to a new location and were sitting pretty close to each other. During this time our main job was to find a new job within a certain time limit. Job searching doesn’t take that much time, though, so every day we’d chat a bit about nothing. I was a big fan of hearing about her son, a senior in high school, and her daughter, a freshman in high school. It was like getting the inside scoop from a mom’s perspective – something I can’t really do with my mom since she’s my mom.

One day we were talking about visits to the eye doctor (I had just gotten a new pair of glasses), and earthquakes (I have no idea). Then this thought came to me, “can you imagine if you were having one of those eye surgeries and an earthquake happened?”

Brenda was amazed. She had not thought of that. She told me that she tends to say things like that to her family and their response is always along the lines of, ‘geez, why’d you go there?’ They didn’t think of the worst-case scenarios like she did.

That moment, after working with Brenda for a year and a half, where I thought of a bizarre worst-case scenario, was probably when Brenda thought the most of me.

And, possibly worst, I’m pretty proud of that.

Imaginary Business Chat

(I would recommend reading this while listening to: http://www.forestmood.com/… I listened to that when I wrote this. The site is awesome!)

Sometimes it’s fun to watch two businessmen talk. You could be enjoying a nice lunch by yourself, or be at an airport, or if you’re a corporate slacker – at work.
Here’s what I like to pretend the conversations are like.

Guy 1: Jerry, Jerry is that you?
(Apparently) Jerry: Oh, Bob! Bob, how are ya!?
Bob: Oh great Jerry, just great!
Jerry: How are the wife and kids, Bob?
Bob: Oh, not too good.
Jerry: No! What happened?!
Bob: Eaten by a dragon. The lot of them. Wife and the two kids.
Jerry: No!
Bob: Yep.
Jerry: Isn’t life just the toughest sometimes?
Bob: Oh yeah, real tough. And you know the damnedest thing of it is? It was a vegetarian dragon.
Jerry: NO!
Bob: Yep. A vegetarian dragon up and ate the wife and kids.
Jerry: Well. I never.
Bob: Apparently thought they were carrots or something, I’m not sure – I don’t speak dragon. I’m not on Wall Street.
Jerry: Oh ho ho ho! Ha ha!
Bob: Ha ha! Yes. It feels good to laugh again.
Jerry: Sure does, Bob, sure does.
Bob: Say, how’s your dear wife Helen doing?
Jerry: Ohhh, well, that’s a whole big story.
Bob: Oh you’ve got to tell it now Jerry!
Jerry: Ok I’ll give you the short version, and then you can tell me if you want the long version.
Bob: I’m all ears!
Jerry: She started in on worshiping the devil, and sold our son’s soul for a riding lawn mower.
Bob: NO!
Jerry: Yeah. And it’s a stick-shift mower!
Bob: NO!
Jerry: Who the hell drives stick on a mower? You’ve got bits of twig flying up at your face, the tree roots to look out for – you can’t be shifting gears left and right!
Bob: That damn devil!
Jerry: Yep, yep. So you want the long version?
Bob: Don’t bother, Jerry, if you’ve heard it once you’ve heard it a thousand times.
Bob: Tell me about it.
Jerry: Is that Susan over there?
Bob: I think it is.
Jerry: I heard she takes seventy minute lunches …
Bob: Now that is just disgusting. I’ve seen some things in my life but I just can’t tolerate that.
Jerry: I don’t know how she lives with herself day to day.
Bob: Despicable.
Jerry: Agreed.

De Jour of the Week (7/25/10)

Tomorrow I return to regular work. Bleh. Fotima and I threw in “Real Genius” and she said, at the title screen where you select to play movie or for specific chapters, “this looks dangerously nerdy.” Heck yes.

Vending Machine Wisdom (or Vending Machine Whore)

I have a simple recipe
For which you’ll soon thank me

Your boss is going to have a meeting,
(They’re always kind of a beating)
So, naturally, it’ll be better if you’re eating!

Do like me –
Act stupidly.
Seek respite
With a sugar-filled bite.

If your day is dragging, just mix
The dullness with some Dunkin Stix.

Keep out the paddle-piddle,
Pop in your mouth a delicious Skittle.

The intern gave you the finger?
Ignore it, and eat a Zinger.

Since there’s that meeting you can’t skip,
Bring your friend and mine, the Sun Chip.

If you’re a more health-conscious snacker
You can have a (lame)non-frosted Animal Cracker

Don’t let that report linger,
Treat yourself to a Butterfinger!

The email you’re reading is painfully dumb,
Time to taste the terrible sugary goodness of Zebra Stripe gum.

A thousand ‘atta boys’ aren’t worth an ‘awwww shit!’
So you’re hiding in the bathroom with a Whatchamacallit.

‘Oh no, this is wrong, wrong, wrong!’
Your angry stare goes soft … can I have that Ding Dong?

Soon you’ll be Mr. (or Mrs.) Productivity!
And after your insulin shot you’ll smile proudly!

With a sugar rush your day is less of a bore,
So do like me, become a vending machine whore!