DumbFunnery

MS150 Predictions – Day 2

For day two there are two different routes. One is 77 miles, one is 66. The 76 mile one is supposedly prettier, but hilly. The 66 mile (I have been told) is windier. 

That’s how I picture hills going …

Now for day two predictions for what I’ll be thinking at various mile-markers …

Mile 1 – Oh gosh I am in pain. My sad, sad tushy.

Mile 2- Maybe I should’ve listened to those people who told me I should buy butt cream … but could I ever really buy that?

Mile 7 – Ok. Feeling better. A bit warmed up.

Mile 13 (for this I’ll assume Rainbow Speak and I will be stupid and do the hillier, more challenging ride) – AHHHHHHH!

Mile 14 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 14.2 – AHHHHHHHHHH!

Mile 14.3 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 20 – What’s the perfect song to play when all you want to do is lay down, curl up in a ball, cry a little … oh and eat ice cream.

Mile 21 – Oh, duh, THIS SONG.

Mile 30 – I’ve biked over 100 miles! Holy cow! That’s … well … I don’t know what that is. Weird, I guess.

Mile 37 – Could I be any whiter? My name is Brad. I am biking a crapton of miles. I’m wearing a brightly colored jersey and I’ve said “neat!” at least ten times today.

Mile 44 – About thirty miles to go … come onnnnnnn.

Mile 51 – Oh man I am going to sleep so well on the bus ride home.

Mile 52 – Huh. Maybe I should’ve bought a nicer bike.

Mile 59 – Wait how did that child just pass me! That is upsetting. You’re two feet tall! You should be home playing video games you little jerk.

Mile 67 – Hi everyone, this is your captain speaking … on your left you can see some stupid trees and on your right some more hated trees. Oh and have I mentioned I’m SICK OF THIS.

Mile 71 – Is that some of downtown Austin or did a really cool shaped bug just die on my shades?

Mile 75 – Ooh that chick is hot.

Mile 77 – Well well well … I did it … Now someone please just take me to my couch.

MS150 Predictions – Day 1

I wake up and it hits me – I need a girlfriend. Why am I doing a ONE HUNDRED FIFTY MILE BIKE RIDE?! I look at my phone and there’s a text from Rainbow Speak, it simply says: 

Yup, it’s game time. Day one of the BPMS150.

I have been training for this for a while … but the longest bike ride I’ve done is a 2 hour one. One weekend I did a two hour ride on Saturday, and then another on Sunday. Both were maybe 25 miles.

That’s not quite 150 miles.

My friend and I are starting from the easiest starting gate (at the recommendation of the instructors from our class). That means it’s 76 miles the first day.

Here is what the first day looks like in terms of miles …

Now for what I predict my thoughts will be …

Mile 0 – Holy crap holy crap what WHAT WHAT?! There are so many people! So many stupidly bright jerseys!! Good GOD why am I HERE!

Mile 1 – GAHHHHH I HATE PEOPLE! SO … MANY … PEOPLE!

Mile 5 – Ok … this isn’t too bad. I think I can do this.

Mile 10 – Daaaaang I’m already at 10 miles! Nice! Not bad at all! I actually enjoy biking!

Mile 11 – Ok what the hell was I thinking I still have like 140 miles to go. This is terrible.

Mile 15 – I already want to take a nap. I can’t be the first one to ask for a break though … I wonder how tired Rainbow Speak is … maybe I should accidentally punch him in the leg.

Mile 24 – Which part of my body doesn’t feel uncomfortable right now? Oh right. None of them.

Mile 27 (if I’m reading that right) – Sweet! Lunch time!

Mile 28 – Ooooof why am I incapable of not shoveling food in my pie hole? It’s gonna be slowwww going.

Mile 40 – I’ve done 40 miles and I’m still not even 1/3rd done. This is impressively upsetting.

Mile 47 – Oh crap I didn’t put on sunblock. I am going to have the dumbest sunburn ever.

Mile 58 – MY GAMS IS KILLIN’ ME!

Mile 59 – Haha … gams …

Mile 66 – (Singing this song in my head) …

Mile 72 – Oh frick I just swallowed another bug.

Mile 76 – Ok … first day done … I made it … OH YEAH FREE BEER!

(Seriously, there’s free beer at the end of day one!)