The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

When News Breaks …

At DumbFunnery, we take journalistic integrity as the value of highest importance. So when news breaks – we’ll be there with duct tape!

(No. No, that’s not what that phrase means.)

Ah! DumbFunnery, a bastion of ethics and go-get-em-ics, is ready to hide a lock pick and a shiv in a home-baked cake to help BREAK OUT that news!

(What on Earth? That’s worse. Definitely not that. Just give me a sec and I’ll explain …)

DumbFunnery, armed with a pen, a love of the truth, and a cardboard box, is around for breaking news. Lay down a beat, do the cabbage patch, and let’s breakdance the news.

(…I don’t understand. How are you so unaware of what breaking news means?)

DumbFunnery never takes their foot off the gas, charging hard and fast until – SCREEEEEEEEE – it’s time to brake … for news?

(That’s somehow the most wrong, and the closest?)

DumbFunnery, grabbing the blanket of journalism and a cup of hot tea of hard-hitting questions, is here to help you get back to feeling ready to take on the world. Because sure, news broke up with you, but hang in there tiger, it’s just a bit of breaking news.

(Fine. Let’s go with that.)

When news breaks (up) … DumbFunnery is here to watch Love Actually, maybe call your ex and make funny noises until your ex hangs up, and perhaps even … win a Pulitzer?

The Kiddo’s Music-Themed Animals

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Mountain Goatye

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Alambis Morissette

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Owl Green

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Harry Elafonte

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Moose Springsteen

 

Thankfully there are also a lot of Barry singers, because we have quite a few bears. Chuck Beary, Beary Manilow … other ones that of course I’m drawing a blank on right now.

A Swell Dinner, and Nuclear Powered Ramjets

Project Pluto was a United States government program to develop nuclear powered ramjet engines for use in cruise missiles. Two experimental engines were tested at the United States Department of Energy Nevada Test Site (NTS) in 1961 and 1964.

– Source.

On May 14, 1961, the first prototype nuclear ramjet, “Tory-IIA,” was test fired. In case things went awry, the Livermore scientists and engineers working on Project Pluto watched the test from miles away with ready access to a fallout shelter stocked with two weeks’ worth of food and water. – Source.

(A young couple is finishing dinner.)

Fella: Boy, that was tasty!

Gal: Sure was! And it’s hard to beat the company, too!

Fella: Aw shucks! You said it, but I was thinking it!

Gal: I sure hope you’re thinking of another night out, too!

Fella: (His happy look fades, a look of fear takes over) Of course!

Gal: …What’s wrong?

Fella: No, nothing. Nothing. It’s just … work is going to be … pretty intense.

Gal: (Raises eyebrows.)

Fella: Really! I would love to take you out for dinner tomorrow night, or the night after, or the night after that, it’s just I *might* have to work nights the next two weeks. And days. And you should leave town just in case.

Gal: …Are you not really single?

Fella: Of course I’m single! I just … listen, you know how I’m an engineer and –

Gal: You’ve never fully explained what you do.

Fella: (Mumbles) Yeah, the government would love me explaining what I do.

Gal: What was that?

Fella: What? Oh, you know, I do math for the government. Checking numbers. That’s all. It’s boring. Speaking of boring … this town, huh? You should take a vacation! It doesn’t need to be two weeks, even. Just leave before this weekend, and uh … watch the news.

Gal: I don’t like this date nearly so much anymore.

Fella: (Breathes deeply) I care about you. Like, a lot. And sometimes I feel like my heart is a nuclear reactor attached to a missile and I could just explode due to a small mathematical error that, really, anyone could make, and I am afraid you’ll get caught up in it … Maybe if you leave town for a day, or so, you could see if you would be able to handle my intense emotions.

Gal: Aw. That’s weird. Are you saying you’re just Russian into this? (She laughs.)

Fella: (To the reader) That joke is an anachronism. The missile was being developed largely because of the USSR, not Russia. But that is really hard to use USSR to make a dumb play on words joke. Maybe if this was instead about a former pirate captain who joined the Navy, something about USS Argggh. I don’t know. See? It’s tough.

Gal: Come on, let’s go to get some ice cream!

Fella: Ok! And we can check out what kind of refrigeration units they have in case you ever want to hide in one!

Soda fountain and booths, Earnshaw Drug Co., East Greenwich, R.I (78831).jpg
By “Tichnor Quality Views”, Reg,U.S.Pat.Off., Made Only by Tichnor Bros., Inc., Boston, Mass. – Boston Public Library Tichnor Brothers collection #78831, Public Domain, Link