The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Potluck Sign Up Sheet

We here at DumbFunnery aren’t above a little tomfoolery. A trifle chicanery. A pinch of hijinks.

And one way to show that is anytime you come across a physical sign up sheet for a potluck. You’re walking along and suddenly, there it is, a little opportunity to exercise some creativity.

So grab a pin, take a quick, nervous glance around, and get to work.

Are you Peggy, bringing chinchilla surprise?

Are you Tom, bringing creamed man meat?

Are you Sus, bringing 2 to 4 cans of spinach with some straws?

07c7cad336a91d0807938ce6efb9ee86The key is to picture the confusion on people’s faces when they read this, the wonder, the hope, the fear. ‘Oh, please Lord, let Peggy label her chinchilla surprise so I don’t accidentally eat it.’

Are you Jerry, bringing FAMILY SIZED PORTION OF GLART?

Are you Paul, bringing egg, or shareable egg?

Don’t forget about adjectives, why not throw some adjectives not typically associated with foods on there?

Are you Jackson, bringing an incredibly sexy meatloaf?

Are you Parul, bringing judgemental paella (NO MOMS ALLOWED)?

See what I did on that last one – I overwhelmed you. That’s a rookie mistake. You can bring pancakes (NO MOMS ALLOWED) or you can bring flirty pancakes, but you can’t combine those two things. Then it’s obvious you’re a wackadoo. You’ve got to pace your crazy.

Get out there, pretend you’re Gunther, claim to be bringing your chilled yum yums – no cinnamin this time 🙂 and have fun.

As always, we here at DumbFunnery encourage kindness and weirdness, happy potlucking.

June Haiku

June 1 (Thursday)
Dog to the kennel
Her sad eyes as I depart
“YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME”

June 2 (Friday)
Wedding rehearsal
Fellas cracking wise while … what?
Missed an instruction

June 3 (Saturday)
Standing by my friend
Looking at people in love
Is one of life’s gifts

June 4 (Sunday)
Early flight today
My ‘poke the bear’ gene’s still sleep-
Wait, it’s awake now!!

June 5 (Monday)
Work self-assessment:
Or as I like to call it
Bragging with a cause

June 6 (Tuesday)
You’d think she’d been drugged
But no, this is just Jody
Being her best self

June 7 (Wednesday)
Bad bug found in code
Too wrapped up to glance at news
A glorious day

June 8 (Thursday)
Beautiful sunset
Makes you want to stop and just
Try to breathe it in

June 9 (Friday)
DJ Random Soundz
He’s a character I do
To annoy my wife

June 10 (Saturday)
One “day” I will read
“What” trump thinks using “quotes” means
He’s so dumb it hurts.

June 11 (Sunday)
Saw Wonder Woman
Overly hyped DC flick …
And yet – it was good!

June 12 (Monday)
What’s next for bball?
Three teams with just top players?
Plus tons of bad games!

June 13 (Tuesday)
Quick stress level test:
Do you laugh or get angry
At news anchors jokes?

June 14 (Wednesday)
In soccer, like life
Sometimes, step back to move up
Also, flailing’s cool

June 15 (Thursday)
Folks brought stuff from home:
Old shirts, PS games, yearbooks …
Ya know, basement stuff

June 16 (Friday)
Breakfast and brew tour
Then, naturally, a nap
Post nap: Rockies game

June 17 (Saturday)
Estes Park today
National park and some shops
Plus a gift from mom!

June 18 (Sunday)
Cruising around town
After a delicious lunch
I’m a good chauffeur

June 19 (Monday)
Work has been more tense
Lots of layoffs happening
It’s dark clouds and nerves

June 20 (Tuesday)
Candy for dinner?
No, no, no, I’m a grown up
Candy and some fruit

June 21 (Wednesday)
In a training class
Some folks are multitasking
i.e. not learning

June 22 (Thursday)
Snivvledeblibbets?
Shargrundlebinwozplopums?
(Phoning in this one.)

June 23 (Friday)
‘Well, does he sport though?’
‘He sports great, but he doesn’t TEAM.’
Sports talk show cheat sheet.

June 24 (Saturday)
I’m no artist, but …
Good enough for a baby
(They’re blind at birth, right?)

June 25 (Sunday)
Trip to Home Depot
Paint, relax, paint some more, then …
Trip to Home Depot

June 26 (Monday)
You know what’s easy?
Like, I could do it all day?
Not exercising

June 27 (Tuesday)
Stumbling through some code
Attempting to grok React
Annnnnnd time to google

June 28 (Wednesday)
Thai food with buddies
I guess you could say we’re a …
Thai-t knit group …? Ha. Ha?

June 29 (Thursday)
I figured it out!!
Wait … What’s that mean? And … Uh … Shoot.
Square one, my old friend

June 30 (Friday)
Driving through desert
Always makes me want to play
Red Dead Redemption

The Baby’s Room

Deciding how to decorate your child’s bedroom is an important step in raising a child. It can really set a tone for how you want your child to turn out, what kind of relationship you’d like to have with that child, and most importantly, it will determine how many likes you get on various social media platforms.

Let’s say you’re a doctor, and you have terrible bedside manner, would you like your child to be cold and calculating like you? Why not all white? It’s simple, elegant (ish) and it says, ‘happiness? NOT IN MY HOUSE.’

What if you want your kid to be more likely than the average child to turn into a serial killer? Try the Tory Burch exclusive color, ‘painstakingly pink.’ But here’s the thing, while most parents are decorating the nursery, you should decorate yourself in this color as much as possible.

Now, it may be clear to you at this point that I know a lot, and furthermore, that I’m worth listening to. Yep, I agree.

How about a kiddo that you have no particular aspirations for? Try a beautifully painted, furnished, and decorated room … with this secret: a few very small and subtle clowns painted in random places. Consider that kid a shoe-in for least likely to succeed.

As always, we at DumbFunnery care deeply about our readers, and if anyone has any child-rearing or future child-rearing questions, we don’t have the answers, but we do have a very detailed and unsettling set of follow-up questions. Hit us up @DumbFunnery or with an email to DumbFunnery@gmail.com. Or, just look behind you. I’m right there. I’ve been there the whole time.