The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Donald Trump Having Coyotes Explained to Him

(Interior, Oval Office)

Trump: Someone get in here. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE.
White Personnel: Sir? What’s the matter?
Trump: I just heard on the news that coyotes are smuggling people into the United States?
WHP: Yes, sir, that’s true. That’s why we need that wall.
Trump: What’s the biggest enemy of the coyote?
WHP: Uh … good law enforcement, sir?
Trump: Road runners. Road runners are smarter than coyotes every time.
WHP: Ah, uh … sir …
Trump: Do our border patrol people have road runners working for them?
WHP: Well, sir …
Trump: SHAM! FALSE! We need road runners and we NEED THEM now.
WHP: Sir a coyote is a word for a person, it’s not an actual coyote. It’s a word for a person who smuggles people.
Trump: (sighs heavily) You’re fired. You can’t tell me we don’t need road runners. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE.
Second WHP: Sir? Is there a problem?
Trump: First, Tod’s been fired. Second, get me the best road runner trainer in the United States. I’ll start searching YouTube.
Second WHP: Of course, sir.

Two aides leave.

(Exterior, Oval Office)

Second WHP: Fired again, Jennifer?
WHP: Yeah, fourth time today.
Second WHP: So … road runner trainer?
WHP: Yeah, he’s basing a decision on old cartoons again … ‘coyotes’ …
Second WHP: Ohhhh. Oh. Oh my God. He doesn’t cease to amaze, huh?

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Do You Need New Dishes?

Coming up soon is the Superbowl, a football game played between the winner of the AFC playoff bracket and the NFC playoff bracket. It’s a big deal to some.

Here’s where that comes in handy for you, my dish-needing friend.

Invite a bunch of people over for the Superbowl, but maybe limit the guest list to friends you have who you think have good taste. Tell everyone you’ll provide the drinks and some entree type items, but everyone needs to bring a bowl with a dip and whatever food goes in the dip. Easy, fun, delightful. Win, win, win.

Everyone comes over, the game’s on, then it’s halftime and everyone has to pay attention to that, and then … the game comes back on. Everyone is engaged but it’s a bit of a lull as far as focus is concerned. Everyone has done their catching up, the game has been on a bit, no one is THAT focused on anything and here’s when you strike.

“Hey guys, if we had a super … BOWL party here … like, picking the best bowl, not the food in it but like the dish itself … who would win?”

Now, most people in the room are going to look at you like you’re an idiot or just plain old annoying. But two, three, or maybe even four people are going to say, ‘hmm’ and really look at those bowls.

You should go shop for your new dishes with one of those people.

ceramic bowl with cereals

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Attn: Ellen (1/23/19)

Front

ellen383a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen383b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This postcard is culturally significant because it is a photo of New Orleans at its cleanest.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Sorry if this seems like a dig at your city … I mean, I guess it is. So instead, sorry if it offends?

Why am I doing this?

 

Category:

Attn: Ellen

Tagged with: