Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
What do you think is in that building to inspire those guys to run away in happy terror?
My guess is attractive naked people (happy) and clowns (terror).
Let me know your answer @ DumbFunnery!
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
“Hey, welcome to the pearly gates.”
“Oh awesome! Does that mean … I made it?”
“Well, you are here.”
“No I mean like … Am I in? Did I make it into heaven?!”
“…Provably.”
“Probably!? What’s that mean – probably?”
“You’re an odd case.”
“Oh … That seems …”
“Listen, you were a lock for making it to the good life but then you had those last words.”
“My last words? Shoot … What did I say … I’m trying to remember.”
“You said, while obviously dying, to a strange man near you, ‘tell my wife, Danny Glover.'”
“Hahaha ohhhh yeahhh. I remember that.”
“Why did you say that!? We know it’s not an inside joke with you and your wife. We saw how confused your wife was when she heard your last words.”
“Oh yeah. Hmmm. I guess I didn’t think about her being confused.”
“Why would you be so cruel!?”
“Not cruel! I was trying to be funny.”
“Explain.”
“Ok, so … All right. I was aware I was about to die, right? And I thought, I should pass on a last message for this dude. I was thinking I could say tell my wife I love her and it clicked how Danny Glover’s last name sounds so much like ‘love her’ so wouldn’t it be funny to say tell my wife, Danny Glover? Get it? Like, it’s funny?”
“…”
“I’m realizing now it wasn’t as funny as it seemed at the time.”
“Now you see our dilemma over letting you in or not.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.”
You know what would make a terrible horror movie, but a terrifying real world experience? If everyone you came across in a day was incredibly nice, friendly, and chill.
It doesn’t sound scary – but imagine how frightening that would be.
You go to work and everyone there is just … happy, or fairly content. What about that one dude who seems like he’s always on a personal call complaining about something with his house or the dog or something?
Guys like this would be a dime a dozen. Color me petrified.
What about that quick trip to the grocery store and it’s crowded and everyone just looks … cool with it?
What about traffic on the way home? You look over to see someone bobbing their head to some Jack Johnson music.
I don’t know about you, but I would assume everyone had been abducted by aliens and been brain-washed. It would be a hair-standing-on-end, why is the world so scary, oh man oh man oh man I’m scared … kinda day.
DumbFunnery 