The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (5/14/14)

Front

Ellen170a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen170b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

A rattling noise as a warning of danger is to babies what an animal advertising a cheap and delicious buffet is to adults. Why so cruel, nature?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (5/7/14)

Front

Ellen169a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen169b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’ve got an idea for a great tragicomedy: The Riding Writer. It’s about an author who is also a cyclist. At some point someone asks the Riding Writer for advice for young writers and The Riding Writer hears “rider” … See?

So the answer is “butt cream.”

Funny stuff huh? For the tragedy part I’d say the Riding Writer rides a unicycle. We can team up to write the script if you want. Halvesies on the profits?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (4/30/14)

Front

Ellen168a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen168b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If my fiancé decides she would like us to write our own vows I am just going to describe this postcard’s picture, as though it is her and me on the cover.

“And in the hazy distance were stallions … And ducks.”

Now THAT’S romance!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?