The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘facebook’

Halloween Costumes to Make it Really Clear You’re Single and Looking

Tandem bike, but with no partner. Still too subtle? Try putting a sign on the other seat that says, “this seat open.”

Any costume at all, but stare far too long at any woman (or man) that walks by.

Get a piece of poster board and go as “Facebook.” Display your relationship status as SINGLE. Still too subtle? Have a bunch of wall postings that no one has liked, except other clearly single friends.

Any costume where your cat is dressed up as part of a themed outfit.

Kissing booth. Still too subtle? Have a sign offering to pay people to let you kiss them.

Modern Day Love Letters

In some college, right now, there is a young man who will one day be regarded as the greatest American novelist since (insert name here). He shows signs of his brilliance right now, but he’s a little too concerned with college-y things to really be the novelist he will one day be.

But, in the future, his books will come out and shake the world. People will read and fall in love with him. They’ll have this desire to know more and more.

Somewhere, some publishing house will think, “well, why not give them more? We’ve got books that are the letters of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dos Passos, why not him?”

Below is a sampling of the types of notes this book would contain.

The Facebook Love Letters of (so and so), 2011 – 2014

Note 1:

Hey what’s up. Last night was a ton of fun. We should get drunk and make out again. Just kidding. Well, about the getting drunk part. Unless you have to get drunk to make out with me … which I’m sadly very ok with.

Note 2:

Man, it’s crazy. I don’t just want to physically bone you, I also want to emotionally bone you. That’s never happened before. You should come over so we can physically bone, then emotionally bone, then physically bone again. Then take a nap. Then get some burgers and do some more emotional boning. That’d be awesome.

Note 3:

I didn’t know holding hands could make me so happy.

I miss you.

Note 4:

That halloween party was so much fun with you! You looked super hot as a sexy criminal defense attorney. I’d commit crimes just to be with you. What? Yeah, I’d break the law for you.

Note 5:

Every time I kiss you, it just makes me want to kiss you ten times more.

Which reminds me, could you pick up some chapstick for me next time you go to the grocery store?

I Could Be Weirder than I Am …


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