The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

The Tim Allen Connection

Last week I got an email from Netflix notifying me that Galaxy Quest is now available for instant play. You can bet your blog-reading self that I was happy to read this. Galaxy Quest, in case you haven’t seen it, is a dorky movie that features outer space. These are some of my favorite things.

I started watching the movie when it him me – The Tim Allen connection.

There it is – the face that assures you ‘you’re not about to experience emotions.’ 

I haven’t gone to the movies too often with my family, but occasionally we’ll do a group outing. Far less rare are times when it’s either just my dad and I or my brother and I. I can only think of two movies that my brother and I saw just the two of us … And only one movie that my dad and I saw just the two of us.

My brother and I saw … The Santa Clause, starring, you guessed it, Tim Allen. When that came out my brother was a hot shot high schooler and I was an elementary school kiddo. I don’t know if my brother was feeling brotherly or my mom forced him to as punishment, but one day he asked about us seeing a movie and before you know it, there we were, at The Santa Clause.

Laughter? You bet. Tears? Extremely unlikely. Male bonding? If two guys not talking about anything of any significance but having spent time together counts as male bonding then yes, I guess so.

Fast forward a few years and I’m in middle school. I have a feeling my mom and sister went to see some movie while my dad and I headed to … Galaxy Quest! Another Tim Allen classic.

Say what you will about him having a certain schtick, but when it comes to male bonding in my family, it’s sports or Tim Allen. Just imagine if he came a baseball coach, attendance would double (so if he coached the <your least favorite team here> there’d be as many people in the stands as players on the field – ZING!).

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Weekly Wacko

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Attn: Ellen (10/8/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I never knew it until this moment, but camels look like the creation of someone who is really bad at photoshop.

“Hey dude, do, like, a horse combined with Skeletor … Oh! And give him two giant tumors … Just cuz.”

What, evolution leading to that makes more sense?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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The Proud Coach

I’m proud of these boys. They fought hard. They never thought about quitting. They just thought about the next guy on the team and what they could do to help.

Heck, half of them don’t even know their names but if you ask them to play their hearts out they’ll do it without a second thought.

That guy over there would take a bullet for any of his teammates, but ask him a simple question?, well, you’ll find that he can only communicate with an intricate series of grunts. A language all his own.

I love these guys. They never say die. They don’t know the meaning of quit. Several of them eat rocks almost daily because they don’t understand simple food consumption. But if I could coach anyone, I wouldn’t have it be anyone but them.

With the game on the line, heck, I’m spoiled. I’ve got a few folks I wouldn’t hesitate to call on. This guy, to my right, he thinks that I’m his imaginary friend but talk about clutch. And to my left, this guy is all business, after I pick out his clothes for the day.

I’m a proud coach. I’ve got a great team and we were this close to being champs. We’ll be back next year for another try at this thing. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some hugs to give and diapers to change.

Go team, go.

Welcome to Houston, coach. Houston, keep on keeping on it that ‘L’ column.

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Du Jour of the Week

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