The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

SysML, UML, and My Most Ambitious Self

The other day I was at work and my buddy Juicebox and I took a walk around the building. This is a good thing to do when you can’t solve a problem, or the system is down, or you’re going a little nuts.

Juicebox was sharing with me a list that he had made on his phone of all the movies he owned. The list was alphabetized and everything. About halfway through the list I realized it wasn’t him rattling off movies he had memorized, he was reading from a list.

“Wait you wrote all this down?”
“Yeah it was from the other day when I was studying.”

You see, Juicebox, BattleToad (another friend) and I are studying SysML. In the words of Inigo Montoya … “Let me explain … No, there is too much. Let me sum up …”

First came UML, or the Unified Modeling Language. UML, like any other language, has grammar and syntax rules. Unlike the English language, you express yourself with UML via diagrams and pictures. The language is used to help design and explain software (code). Let’s say you work with a bunch of coders, and then you have to explain what you are doing … There’s a chance you will confuse people because you’ll explain something to death or go off on a tangent (favorite hobbies of my coworkers and I).

If you know the rules of drawing, and someone who doesn’t know code knows the rules of drawing, you just draw a picture using this language and wha-la, everyone is wiser for it. Now everyone knows exactly what you’re trying to build.

SysML is Systems Modeling Language. This is an extension of UML (take 1 part UML, add a little dash of … whatever). People thought, “hey this UML is nice – I can explain difficult concepts in a different way … Why are we just using this for code?” And there you have it, SysML is born.

What’s my point?

Today I was reading SysML (borrrrrinngggggg) and I found this bit very interesting (what this sentence is talking about is how you use this high-level language to build languages that are like SysML or UML … only you can modify them to make them specific to your needs like car manufacturing or whatnot):

A language designer will look for a metaclass with some of the characteristics needed to represent the new concept and then add others and, if necessary, remove characteristics that are not required.

I read that and thought, “what an unexpectedly creepy remark.” I think it’s because of the “remove characteristics that are not required” piece. It came to me, “I should write this down and write a short story about this! Some sort of crazy genetics engineer or … Some nutcase who has a bunch of kids … Like a new take on the Island of Dr. Difficult to pronounce last name …”

Then, in a flash of clarity, I realized I would never actually write that. It was just a foolish thought based on my desire to not do homework.

(Pssst. Guess what writing about how I’m not writing is called? Metaprocrastinating! Sorry, I blame the book.)

Attn: Ellen (6/12/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres DumbFunnery

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen, 

Today, I will re-introduce myself. 

My name is Brad, and I have a blog called DumbFunnery.com. It is full of silly things, like every Wednesday I have a picture of the postcard I have mailed you. 

I do this (over 100 postcards plus a lot of other oddball posts) because: 

1) I like to write silly things,

2) I hope to one day write silly things at a professional level (i.e. get paid),

3) Maybe you would read a postcard and invite me to talk one day. 

 

Sincerely,

Brad aka

DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

WELCOME HOME! … From Your Dog’s Perspective

Recently I was thinking about the range of emotions a dog must experience as soon as it’s mom/dad/master/owner (whatever category of dog owner you consider yourself) gets home. It must be pretty crazy.

Think about it, imagine if your BEST FRIEND in the WHOLE WORLD for some GOD FORSAKEN REASON locked you in a small apartment with no bathroom and then left for eight plus hours most days of the week … Can you imagine how excited you’d be when he/she got home? You’d be stir-crazy, a little loopy from being alone all day with no one to talk to, and … you would have to use the bathroom in ways that would make communicating your need almost impossible.

It’s pretty incredible dogs have pure love for their food-providers/captors/best friends/bathroom-withholding tormenters.

Here we go, the breakdown of a dog’s emotions:

  1. 100% excitement at seeing you, so much excitement that their body cannot be in one place at one time, it needs to be everywhere at all times
  2. 100% excitement knowing that dinner is coming up
  3. 100% excitement that they will get to go outside to clear up some space for dinner … (hey, it’s true)
  4. 100% excitement that they can finally stop sitting around being bored and finally doing something awesome like sit around beside you while you watch TV – HELL YEAH ADVENTURE!
  5. 100% excitement that they can tell you about this dream they had … wait … the dog is having trouble expressing him/herself … allow the pooch to just run in small circles in front of you to convey the deep psychological meanings of the dream

Appreciate dogs, folks. Because if you left me home alone like that I would be giving you a silent treatment, sulking in one corner (what’s in the other corner?) … and there’s no way I could’ve held it. Get the Spot treatment out.