The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Sports Analysis and Your Daily Life

I am watching game three of the Bulls/Heat series and the announcers are making me laugh. It’s not anything unique they are doing, it seems to be all sports announcers. And ESPN talking heads during SportsCenter and what not.

These are some of the most dramatic people you will ever meet. I’ll give you an example.

“Boozer has 8 points six minutes into the first quarter, and he only had fourteen points total in the first two games!”

Sports announcers and ESPN folks love to give dramatic projections.

So and so has four home runs through the first six games of the season, that means by the end of the season …

So and so has eight rushing touchdowns through four game of the season, at this rate …

It’s silly. And then they have conversations over their straight projections. Other times someone will come on and say so and so is having a hot streak, so they’ll say, “ok fine, if you reduce this by …” and then they’ll give a slightly less projection.

I want to apply this to boring, daily life activities. Please read this in your best radio/sports caster voice.

“Only up for twelve minutes and Jon has ALREADY consumed ONE bowl of cereal. He’s on pace to break a record for CEREAL meals in the course of a day! We could be witnessing history.”

“Woah … ANOTHER sneeze from June which is … I believe that makes three already today. If you think about that, we could be seeing a WHOLE LOT of sneezing through the course of the day!”

I could go on … but you get the point … and I’m lazy.

(P.S. If you think that’s a lazy ending, just wait for tomorrow’s post.)

Attn: Ellen (5/15/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Washington D.C.

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If my life was a soccer game on a Spanish-speaking channel, last night there would’ve been one of those at-first-funny-but-then-annoying 5 minute long “goaaaal!” announcements.

Why? Because I’m done with my Master’s*!

*If it turns out I failed my final, that would be an own goal announcement.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Miami Heat’s Chris Anderson

“Hey, I’m Dennis … And I don’t normally say this, but you’re one good looking stegosaurus.”

chris anderson's mom

“Hey, I’m Lisa, and … That might be the nicest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Chris Anderson's Dad

“You want to go back to my … ‘cave’?”

Chris Anderson's Mom

“No … let’s go back to mine!”

Nine Months Later (or Whatever)

 

Miami Heat Chris Anderson

“Our beautiful son Chris Anderson is born!!”