The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Basketball Player Restaurants

All right basketball players, listen up. You have well-known names, and some of you have names that make me giggle (I am juvenile). You’re rich, that’s cool. You’re probably also really kind-hearted and want to help make me rich.

Glad we’re on the same page on that making me rich front.

Now – what will we do about it? How about you front the money, you provide your name, and I’ll bring a little creative genius. Here’s just one small sampling:

  • Steve GNashables – It’s a tapas place, with a red decor, kind of a hell-themed restaurant, Canadian assist-masters have their dark sides you know.
  • Yow!, Yao! – A Cajun/Asian fusion restaurant for the Bayou City, it’s Casian food!
  • Kobe Bryant’s House of Yum Yums – It sounds creepy, because it is. It’s a an ice cream bar where Bridgett Jones Diary is always playing on big screen TVs. Kobe, I know it’s weird, but give it a whirl, eh?
  • Shaquille O’Veal – Guess what the specialty is … With a first name like Shaquille, it’s not like people won’t know who the owner is.
  • Kung Pau Gasol – An Asian-themed tapas place. Come on Kung Pau, you were MADE for this!

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My Zombie Roomy (4/22/13)

You know how sometimes you’ll be walking alone at night and you think, “man this is just like a horror movie” and then you think, “no, no, don’t do that.” But at the exact same time you’re thinking that phrase, your brain is also trying to figure out which horror movie villain goes perfectly with that night.

Sort of like how fancy people pair wine with whatever food they’re going to have.

In this case, it turns out that my imagination wasn’t running wild and creating a fearful situation in my head for no good reason, it was a warning that I should run for my life because two zombies were coming for me to kill me.

A classic mistake.

The Zombie, that guy!, it’d been a long while you know (based on the poncho he had in his car – I’ll get to all this – I’m back onto my theory that the Zombie is Mexican or at least Mexican-American). Anywho, the Zombie saved the day, mostly. He came flying up in this big, really loud truck (style, not actual volume) and ran over this thing. The thing turned out to be a zombie who was coming to get me.

Wait – I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself by starting at the end, or the middle, or maybe about 70% of the way into the story.

Let’s back up and re-visit Maslow’s Hierarchy and how it relates to zombies (this comparison is my own, based on the past month or so’s events with the Zombie).

For now I’ll break it up into 4 parts. And I’ll get to those when I’m feeling … you know, less covered in blood (it’s Sunday night and the Zombino and I just got back to my apartment after a rough weekend).

  • Part 1 – Zombies and Maslow’s Hierarchy, or Who to Semi-Trust and Who to Run Away from Screaming
  • Part 2 – The Zombie’s Gang and Their Mission or Should I Change My Home Address and Flee Now, or Later?
  • Part 3 – That God Awful Truck or How the Zombie Said Adios to Texas and Hola to Running Over Evil Zombies
  • Part 4 – This Weekend or How I Lost Four Pounds the Hard Way (Through Crying, Sweating, Puking, and Blood Loss)

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My Zombie Roomy

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Asteroids, Check Yourselves

From Jack Handey, an old “Deep Thoughts,”

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Now, from the 2014 NASA Budget (bolded text done by me),

This budget enables significant progress toward the ambitious exploration objective that President Obama laid out in 2010: Send humans to an asteroid in 2025 and to Mars in the 2030s. Using critical national capabilities advanced by the Administration, such as game-changing technologies, detection of potentially hazardous asteroids, and the Space Launch System and Orion vehicles for human exploration beyond low Earth orbit, NASA will begin work on a first-of-its-kind asteroid retrieval mission.

This mission to identify, capture, redirect, and sample a small asteroid would mark an unprecedented technological feat that will raise the bar of what humans can do in space.

Maybe an asteroid said something mean about Obama’s mom, I’m not sure. But we’re out to get you, asteroids, so WATCH YOURSELVES.

P.S. I’m just kidding, but that is some pretty nuts technology, huh? Here’s a little 11 page PDF about the satellite thing if you feel like being a geek.

Obama Asteroid NASA

This asteroid needs an … attitude adjustment! (Get it? Because attitude can also mean … eh whatever.)

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