I decided on an identity for myself for classes. Is it too late? Let’s hope not, because it’s a gem of an identity.
I will be! … Wikipedia Joke Guy!
Here’s how it will work …
Professor: Well on this slide there are only nine things in the Common Body of Knowledge but … I thought there were ten …
(A minute later)
Me: Uh, professor … I just looked it up on Wikipedia. There are ten, I think you’re missing the “Operations Security” part and also, according to Wikipedia, Tommy Harris is a big stink face.
Aren’t I zany!? You see, anyone can update Wikipedia, so … I’m pretending that some random little kid … Um, you know … Went on Wikipedia and wrote … that … So … Sorry, keep going, Professor.
I have a feeling that would be the follow-up comment to my joke. There would probably be a few people in class who would get my joke, and the joke would maybe even get a smirk or two, but everyone would let me sit there in my joke explanation pain.
But would that stop me? Hardly.
Boss: Well I’m not sure when the Agile methodology actually started …
Me: According to Wikipedia it started in 2001, and also dinosaurs are a ploy by the government to distract us from the fact that Lasik is an experiment in mind control.
Cue the crickets, and the awkward joke explanation talk.
My Mom was in town for a visit from a Wednesday (Halloween) to Tuesday, my Dad Thursday to Sunday. Who’s ready for a recap!?! (This post is mostly for me, but it has some entertaining stuff even if you don’t know them.)
Recap Time!
Wednesday night my mom and I went to dinner after I got her from the airport. They had an alligator at the place, in a cage, chilling. Kitschy, but hey, who doesn’t dig a gator? They also had gator on the menu. My mom asked, “wait, real alligator? Or is that a euphemism?” … I have no idea what that would be a euphemism for, but I don’t like the idea of it.
Thursday I worked til an hour or two after my Dad arrived. My Mom had my car so she and my Dad drove to work to get me. We went to Johnson Space Center and did the tour. It’s a staple item on the Houston visit to-do list.
Friday we drove down to Galveston. We had been warned that there was a motorcycle rally in town … but boy, that didn’t do it justice. There were a LOT of motorcycles, and folks in the whole getup. Everywhere we went you heard the sound of motorcycles.
We walked through a street that was closed off for vendors selling motorcycle clothing and such. My Dad said something along the lines of not feeling so out of place since he visited Amsterdam in the 70s (he was either still in college at the United States Military Academy or just out of school … basically, not your average Amsterdam visitor).
Here’s what is really funny. We went into an antique store and my Mom bought a vintage Barbie carrying case (originally I used the word ‘old’ but when Googling for an image of it, ‘vintage’ is what brought me the desired result).
My Mom, Dad, and I went from the antique store to the motorcyclists gathering area on the Strand (a main street in Galveston). Bikes everywhere, guys and girls with leather on everywhere. I suggested that my Mom step in front of a bunch of bikes and pose with her Barbie carrying case. She obliged. A big tough guy looked over at us, saw the case, and smirked. Three women who were motorcycle ladies, sitting on the ground by us, noticed what was happening. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but in turn each of the women seemed to realize they had owned the same carrying case when they were little girls and they also loved it.
I really regret not asking them to pose for a picture with the case. The worst part of it is that they would’ve been cool with it, too. For all the gruff exterior, the motorcyclists we ran across were a bunch of sweethearts. Yes, I said it, sweethearts.
Meanwhile my Dad and I headed to a sports bar to watch Army beat Air Force (what’s up!), and I read some homework (booorrrrinnnggggg). We linked up with my Mom around 6 pm to go to the Rockets home opener! Unfortunately the Rockets lost but the crowd was good, and the game was entertaining.
Sunday saw my Dad’s departure. But before that we headed to a few more shops. My Mom tried to get me to explain hipsters, but I did not have the answer. I honestly don’t know how to explain why someone would wear suspenders, but then take the time to work on their hair only to make it look like they had just woken up. You tell me, suspenders-wearing guy.
After my Dad hopped on an airplane, my Mom and I headed to more shops. It was … exciting.
Monday I went in for about a 3/4 long day, then … you guessed it, shopping. We capped the night off with a nice dinner and a bit of TV on my dearest friend, my couch. I’ll admit, I now own two new, nice sweaters.
I don’t know what came over me but suddenly I was so curious if the Zombie is ticklish. I’m not going to stretch this out and tell you that I found out. It would’ve felt weird to find that out.
It’s like my cheating test. If you’re dating someone, and you have a friend who is the same sex as your boyfriend/girlfriend … here’s how you know if what you are doing is something you should NOT be doing. I’ll use myself as an example.
(Note: This works better for the stereotypical fella.)
Let’s say I have a girlfriend. And one day I am hanging out with a female friend. I picture myself doing whatever this female friend and I are doing with a guy friend … If I feel like I would feel awkward doing that with a guy friend, I shouldn’t be doing it with a female friend. So easy! For example, if we’re both crying and talking about our childhood memories, this is “emotional cheating” (a term I learned from an ex). Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but it’s a good general rule of thumb.
Now to bring it back – I could never tickle a girl if I was dating someone because that would feel like cheating. I would not try to tickle a dude friend. The Zombie is, basically, a dude friend. Therefore, no tickling can happen.
I can’t ask the Zombie either. Just TRY to ask that guy a question and get a straight answer. The mystery of the ticklish state of the Zombino remains … I’ll think of something though. Don’t you worry.
DumbFunnery 