The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Why’s That TV So Damn Loud?!, and Other Opinions I’ll One Day Share From My Front Porch

You kids better quit eating my meat-flavored gruel!

No, I don’t know where the remote that controls the dog’s brain is … oh no, HE ATE IT AGAIN!

Hey neighbor, nice front porch … NOT!

Hey kid, turn off your VR goggles and pay attention to your self-driving … ah, never mind.

GET A JOB! … Or don’t, the universal basic income that the government wisely decided to embrace because of the automation of so many jobs limiting the workforce to only 10% of the population has really made not having a job a comfortable living. Which, again, makes sense because frankly, people are so much worse at most jobs than technology. So um … GET A HOBBY. Seriously, the ‘hobby’ stipend portion of your UBI is really pretty nice, personally I’ve taken up painting and I love it. So um … GET A PAINTBRUSH. Or a book. Or rock climbing equipment. Whatever. Have a good one!

white wicker padded bench

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (9/5/18)

Front

 

Ellen364a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen364b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s good to know that even in nature there are obnoxious siblings.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

P.S. I bet he’s saying, “hey … your ear smells.” And the sibling is thinking, ‘do I really need to be a pack animal?’

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen

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Eat Like a One Year Old

I’ve got an idea for a restaurant which would fail miserably … but oh what fun in the one month it’d be open.

The idea is customers eat like one year olds.

You walk in, the host or hostess shows you to your seat and then around comes your waiter or waitress. This is where the fun begins. As a customer you don’t need to say a WORD. Nothing. You can, if you want, you can say just one word over and over while looking at any and everything. Or you can just make noises. Or be silent. Whatever.

You are the 1 year old customer, and it’s up to you.

Over the course of the next however long you want you will sample, spit out, make weird faces, make noises, look with disgust and horror at your waiter/waitress when they guess wrong at what you want.

It’ll be grand.

The waiter/waitress will run to/from the kitchen, over and over, bringing you small samples of a really weird variety of foods, and you’ll happily eat four bites and then NO, I DO NOT WANT … ok, one more bite WAIT NO. I DO NOT WANT.

Be as difficult and crazy as you want as you eat a seventeen course meal, where each course is comprised of just a few bites.

Tip will be automatically included in your bill, because the wait staff deserve it.

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Du Jour of the Week

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