The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘lasagna out the nose’

My Zombie Roomy (6/9/10)

6/9/10
I tell you – I’ve never had a roommate who I’ve had so much drama with.

The undead, who knew?

Earlier the Zombie did something – I’m not going to repeat it because I found it offensive – but I’ll tell you it was racist against Hispanics. And possibly sexist. But the racism so outweighed the sexism that it didn’t even occur to me until later.

But here’s the catch – what if the Zombie is Hispanic himself? Then is it acceptable? I mean, it was still bad, and it was sincere and he knew it was unacceptable. But you’re allowed to self-hate.

I’m really curious about finding out if the Zombie’s Hispanic, but the only ways I could think to test were, frankly, racist.

I put on some of the crappy Mexican polka that God knows why people enjoy, and he didn’t seem to enjoy it or hate it. So, neutral.

I put out a newsboy cap, a baseball hat, a do rag and a sombrero and said pick one – and he picked up the remote and turned up the volume (I get the hint, Zombie).

He’s so unresponsive, but I’m so curious now!

De Jour of the Week (6/7/10)

6/7/2010

I just got a haircut!

Fancy New Haircut!

I tell the clerk my name and take a seat
I pick up a national geographic from 4 years ago
(The article on that African tribe is really neat)
I can’t wait for the barber to hack off this fro

Oh man, that lady cutting hair looks really angry
But that one over there is really chatty
Angry-scissor wielding, or awkward small talk for me

Guy who is practically bald – I don’t get you
15 dollars to snip at four hairs and call it a hairdo?

They called my name!? I think? Was that my name?
“Uh …” my name or not, it’s my turn just the same

“Hi, how are you, nice to see you, whaddya want,”
Ahhhh, the impeccable grace of the hair-cutting debutante

Pointing to a picture on the wall
“Like that?, but not as short …”
“K,” she says without looking at the picture on the wall
To thoughts of ‘don’t fall asleep at the wheel!’ I quickly resort

“Thick hair,” with amusement.
“Enough hair for ten people,” with amazement.
“Eh … yikes,” like I’m varmint.
“When’s the last time you got a haircut?,” with derision-ment.

Snip, snip, goodbye locks of … like
No more will I have this head that is so mop-like

Out of my daydream (I was a millionaire quarterback!)
And I get a small attack

When I said ‘like that, but not as short,’
She must’ve heard, ‘please make it shorter than short, short, short.’

“You look better with shorter hair,” she says
To the person standing over me holding scissors, I lie, “yes.”

At last! – my fancy new haircut
And my post-haircut ritual
Feel in a rut,
Grab a beanie, ball cap, newsboy hat – anything while in hair-withdrawal.

My Zombie Roomy (6/5/10)

6/5/10

Well … it’s been about two months since I’ve updated about the Zombie. But you know what I learned about the undead? These guys don’t hold grudges!

I said, “hey Zombie, I know it’s been a while since we’ve hung out and I haven’t been able to do much lately at all … and I apologize for that and -“, he cut me off by holding up a hand.

“Brains.”

He said it in a, “please,” tone. Like I didn’t need to say anything. Just awesome. Really awesome.

*

On a real note, when I was in Boston this past week with Kate she informed of a ZOMBIE CRAWL! Unfortunately I missed it (saw a Red Sox game!) BUT, she told me about this gem. The zombies started a chant.

“What do we want?!”

“BRAINS!”

“When do we want it?”

“BRAINS!”

Super awesome.

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