The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘movie’

So … Here’s Some Art For Ya

In 1976, the twenty-six-year-old Belgian director Chantal Akerman returned to New York – the site of her wanderings earlier in the decade – to make “News from Home,” a serene and monumental time capsule of Manhattan streetscapes and subways. Akerman transformed her luminous, textured images of the city’s rectilinear majesty by means of a simple yet radical gesture: she paired them, on the soundtrack, with her own reading of newsy and needy letters that her mother wrote from their home town of Brussels.

The New Yorker

Other feature films that Akerman was rumored to have considered:

  • Beautiful shots of city basketball courts, paired with a recording of husky breathing by her aging grandmother
  • Picturesque desert sunsets, with superimposed images of skyscraper construction sites, and paired with a looped recording of a mom asking, “Say cheese! … Wait is this on movie mode? How do I make this take a -“
  • A split screen view with one side having breathtaking footage of Yosemite Natural Park, and the other side a small but busy barbershop, paired with flopped Rodney Dangerfield jokes
  • Vignettes of stray city cats paired with a doting father’s advice and lessons teaching a son or daughter how to drive a car

Action Movie Results

There’s an app called “Action Movie” which is delightful because it allows you to blow stuff up. Here, check it out!

Also, great news, my YouTube page got all the dumber because of these uploads!

Goodbye, Homework!

Traffic is the … WOAHHH! (Awful, I Know)

Sayonara Buc-Ee’s!

P.S. The thing I think the app is best for is to take a movie of a car that has parked just AWFULLY. You know, oozing all over a second lane.

Slow Motion Girl’s Big Break

(Ring … ring … ring …)
Dad: Hey Lisa, how are you!?
Lisa: Dad! I’m GREAT!
Dad: Wow, you do sound excited! What’s got you in such a good mood?
Lisa: (Giggles) Well … Want to grab mom?
Dad: That big, huh!? Yeah, I’ll grab her. Julie! … JULIE!
Lisa: Dad the house isn’t that big, you can just –
Dad: JULIE!
Mom: What?
Lisa: … (Exhales)
Dad: Lisa’s on the phone! She’s got great news!
Mom: She’s got great booze? Hold on, let me pick up the phone.
Dad: Mom wants to know if you have great booze.
(Click.)
Mom: Hello?
Lisa: Booze?
Dad: Hey! Everyone’s here!
Mom: You called home to talk about booze?
Dad: Is that your news? News about booze?
Mom: Honey are you ok?
Lisa: Agh! Stop it! No! I have great NEWS.
Mom: Ohhhh … Good … And it’s not about booze, right?
Lisa: No, mom, it’s not about booze.
Mom: Good.
Lisa: Ok … ready?
Mom: Yes!
Dad: Yes!
Lisa: I … am … going to be … in a BIG BUDGET MOVIE!!
Mom: That’s GREAT!
Dad: All right!!!
Lisa: I know! I’m super super excited! It’s an Adam Sandler movie, so it’s not like it’s the brainiest thing ever but –
Dad: Oh he’s famous!
Mom: Yeah, I’ve heard of him! He’s very famous!
Lisa: Yeah, he’s famous, I mean, it’s not like it’s an intelligent movie or anything –
Dad: Is it Happy Gilmore?
Mom: Oh, Happy Gilmore Two? Happy Gil-even-more?
Dad: Oh I like that! Are you his daughter?
Lisa (Annoyed)… Can I talk? Please?
Dad: Yes. Sorry.
Lisa: … Ok … So … It’s just a small role, but I’m going to be in the COMMERCIAL for the movie too! How crazy is that!?
Dad: Wow! Honey, that is SO GREAT!
Mom: We are SO proud of you, darling!
Lisa: Thanks guys!
Mom: So what role do you play? Do you have to go … what’s it called … study someone and learn to be like them?
Lisa: Um … well … I think it’s more … Hollywood is tricky, you know? Like you do something that’s pretty trivial, (speaking very quickly) and maybe a little bit demeaning, and then all the sudden you’re KNOWN! And you get a little bit better role next time! And the time after that! And soon you can be choosy!
Dad: …
Mom: … Honey, what kind of movie did you say this was?
Lisa: It’s a comedy! I just …
Dad: What’s your part in the movie?
Lisa: (Big sigh) I um … I jog by … In slow motion and …
Dad: …
Mom: …
Lisa: Um … and I … just … look like … a lady.

Really, how does this conversation go?

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