The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Beyonce’

24/7 Beyoncé

I don’t normally post actual news on my site but sometimes a true story is just too good to pass up.

This story is actually sad for a number of people, but overall I find it funny. Hopefully the people who were laid off have found or will find new jobs and they can have a good old fashioned bitter laugh about the whole thing.

In Houston the radio station 92.1 became News 92.1 FM. The station started in November 2011, a 24/7 news station (according to this article). I liked to listen to them occasionally, but generally I go for music (on long drives) or sports talk radio (what can I say, I’m an ignorant schlub).

This month, the radio station sited bad ratings and laid off all of the employees. Taking its place … a 24/7 Beyoncé station. (My goodness, my computer recognized that Beyoncé was not a word and had the red underline … so I clicked on it and it knew Beyoncé should have the accent. But it doesn’t know the word schlub. What is this?)

I had to tune in and … yep … It was a Beyoncé song.

Several days later I was in my friend’s car and I told them about the 24/7 Beyoncé station. They turned it over and … we didn’t recognize the song. The next song comes on and its definitely not Beyoncé. What what what!

Apparently Beyoncé has a grand total of about 8 hours of music recorded (according to this article). That meant Beyoncé’s music career 3 times a day, every day, all day, always and forever … For a couple days. Now the station is “classic hip-hop” … Which is that thing where Beethoven rapped for 8 hours one time.

 

This is Beyoncé’s ‘You did what with that radio station?’ pose.

 

Animal Facts! (Gorilla, Flamingo, Capybara, Kangaroo)

Gorilla

Whenever he’s sad you can bet that these two words will cheer him up: “nudie bar.”

Finds cereal romantically charming.

Dreams of owning an eyeglasses store called, “You Wouldn’t Punch a Guy With Glasses, Would Ya?”

Forgot to read the assignment – but even worse … forgot to come up with an excuse about why he didn’t read the assignment.

Doesn’t do ANYTHING at work. Here’s why: whenever anyone comes up and asks him to do something he says VERY slowly, “I understand what you’re saying … theoretically … but I’m lost in the details. Can we go over it again?” Eventually the person asking gives up.

 

Flamingo

When things get hectic he likes to grab everyone’s attention by yelling, “listen!, LISTEN! … listen?”

Likes to say “Google this” and then point to … it’s not important.

Noble and majestic 90% of the time. The other 10% we won’t get into.

Voted YES on Proposition ‘Replace Yo’ Face.’

Looking back on life, regrets having not more of a ‘je ne sais fromage’ attitude. Also he wishes he knew French.

 

Capybara

When he gets upset he talks to himself – the thing is, he calls himself ‘toots.’

Set Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” song to pictures of the planet Saturn.

Mails himself threatening postcards around Christmas – it’s a holiday tradition.

He’s a know-it-all. And, what makes it worse is that he’s generally correct.

If there was a black, female Bobby Fisher – he would be her soul mate.

 

Kangaroo

Didn’t hear about ‘Where’s Waldo’ books until college, and the first time someone excitedly shouted ‘Where’s Waldo!’ he assumed it was a euphemism.

An old fashioned gun-slinger, but with horribly racist comments instead of bullets.

Considers himself the Fabio of not showering. (This doesn’t mean anything – all you need to know is, if there’s open seating, you don’t want to sit by him.)

Desperately wants to have a friend dating someone from the panhandle in Oklahoma, so he can say, “what’s wrong? Panhandle the relationship?”

Took an online ‘IQ Test’, tried to look up every answer online, and still didn’t ace it. Ouch.

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