The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Weekly Wacko’

Am I An Adult?

This week I am doing no blogging*, and instead focusing on some laziness, reading, beach time, and hanging out with my family.

When I thought about this trip I looked forward to it for an odd reason: I would be doing nothing. I can’t imagine myself looking forward to that when I was a kid.

“So … we’re gonna drive to a place … To do nothing? I can do that here! I don’t have my video games there, so what’s the point of this!?”

In college my reasons were different but the result was the same – vacations aren’t for doing nothing.

But now … Now I’m happy with the idea. What has changed? Have I become … a GROWN-UP!?

Let’s check the “Are You a Grown-Up?” checklist:

  • Do you eat boring cereal in the morning? Yes.
  • While eating that cereal, do you read or watch the news? Yes.
  • When you hear about some optimistic news of some great change that is going to happen, do you acknowledge the news with a skeptical grunt (even if no one is around to hear you)? Sometimes.
  • Do you for some reason always have change in your pocket? No. (Maybe it was just my dad, but I swear every night the same bit of change went on the nightstand, and then back in the pocket in the next morning.)
  • Would you rather spend your Sunday reading the paper than playing video games? Haha Lord, no. (Hey, I’m being honest.)
  • Do you make comments about how politicians are weasels? Yes.

Congratulations, self, you are mostly grown-up. Now go take some “vitamin M” (aka motrin) for the ache in your back you have from sleeping on the floor (when I was a kid sleeping on the floor had no side-effects), grab a froufrou magazine, some coffee and enjoy the beauty of doing nothing.

 

*I reserve the right to change my mind and blog quotes of my nephews, nieces, and my punk uncle commentary on them.

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Weekly Wacko

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Weekly Wacko Quick Hits

Things are pretty crazy around here, folks. Just take a look!

  • Next week I will be in CALIFORN-I-A all week long! I still haven’t decided if I’m going to post or take the week off. Stay tuned, attentive readers.
  • I learned tonight that bagging and boarding (so they stay in mint condition!) comic books while watching Dexter makes you feel suddenly very creepy.
  • I have recently gone on a race-sign up tear … Signing up for a 10k in August, 5k in September, a TOUGH MUDDER in October (whaaaaat?)
  • To sign up still: 10 miler in September, 5k in October
  • I have decided to try and code an app! Keep me honest, readers of the blog, and ask me occasionally, “hey Brad, lazyface, how’s that app coming along?”

 

Ok, until next time …

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God’s Watching You, and It’s Weird

When I was very young I had a conversation with my grandma that really impacted my outlook on religion. She was convinced that I had gone to the bathroom and had not washed my hands. This was annoying to me because I HAD washed my hands (duh grandma, I’m not gross). But she didn’t believe me. In her eyes I was a 3rd/4th grader, and therefore a slimy, dirty little kid (I think she found boys to be naturally more gross than girls – which may be accurate – but I wash my hands thank you).

I’m clearly still upset about the hand washing. (But don’t worry I have a solution for when people DON’T wash their hands!)

Anywho.

I went back and washed my hands. Again. When I left my grandma was waiting to give me a little speech. I have no idea what exactly she said to me, but I know in the speech she involved God and how He was always watching. He would know if I washed my hands or not. Of course the intention here was to permanently put the fear of God in me in the form of hand washing (one of God’s pet peeves perhaps?).

Except it didn’t work quite like that. One, because I had already washed my hands. Two, because it made me think God was watching me use the bathroom. This was a very unsettling thought.

From there the idea changed in shape some. The idea of someone seeing everything was too much for me to comprehend. (Yes, God is incomprehensible and all that, that’s cool, but … my mind won’t allow that, it’s too engineering-y) The way it worked in my head was that everyone had, in Heaven, a room full of VCRs (God worked with the latest technology of 1993/1994). The VCRs had recordings of your WHOLE life! Every single beautiful, sad, wonderful, and mundane moment.

And … the time you spent in the bathroom.

It was a neat little crisis of faith as a fourth grader to question if God was a perv. Ahh childhood, so innocent … and derailed into a wilderness of weird, from which I have never left.

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