DumbFunnery

Weekly Wacko (43)

Festival of Sadness

I bought a car today.

Which is good, and bad. Hence: Festival of Sadness. It’s good to have a new car for the reasons I’ve outlined below, but it’s bad because – hey, who likes spending that much money?

I’m a very practical (boring) guy. I bought lower than what I could have because it’s a car. It’ll get me from point A to point B. It’ll do so with a high history of reliability, a good rating from Consumer Reports, and decent gas mileage.

Told you I was boring.

I said goodbye to my beloved Yoda (the car I had until today). Yoda was a 2000 Toyota Camry. My dad bought her when we lived in Georgia, and I took over the car after I graduated college in 2007. My mom sold me the car for $1. It was a pretty good deal. (Oh, my Dad named the car. Yoda the Toyota. You see now where I get these ‘clever’ jokes?)

I said goodbye to a bruised and beaten Yoda. Here are some of the ‘features’ I won’t miss:

• One day I was driving my work buddies and I to lunch. My friend J in the back seat tried to open his window – instead the window motor made a crazy noise. Back right window no longer in service.
• Another day J was in the back left seat, and the same thing happened. Seriously.
• Lately it has gotten to be punch-me-in-the-face hot and humid here in Houston, TX. The perfect time for a car to have an A/C button that causes the car to make a crazy noise, and spit out hot air.
• 160,000 miles driven worth of goodness.
• A weird paint/what-the-heck-is-that? stain in the back seat.
• Accelerating came to be a bit of a challenge. Attempting to go from 0 to 20 in under five seconds resulted in ridiculous revving, and the RPMs would shoot to over 3000 (i.e. YIKES!).
• Here’s the crowning jewel of my car: The driver door … was missing … the door handle. Split right off. This happened about two years ago and I’d been, um … too busy? I have gotten to be very adept at opening the back door, half-sitting down, reaching up front and opening the driver’s door.

Unfortunately I got a little too used to the missing door handle. During one of my car shopping visits I opened the back door of a car when I was about to test drive it. I managed to play it off as looking in the back to see how roomy it was.
Anyhow. Goodbye my dearest Yoda. Hello … new car (picture it like Seinfeld saying “hello … Newman”).

I’ll have to think up a cool name for the newbie. I don’t know that I’ll ever come up with one as cool as Yoda …