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Merry Christmas!!

My wife suggested we make each other sweaters to wear on Christmas day. We settled for long sleeves from Hobby Lobby.

Her sweater for me comes with instructions. When people say ‘great sweater!’ I am supposed to say ‘dino!’ … Like ‘I know!’ … But ‘dino.’


My sweater for her … Haven’t you heard of the famous Christmas sheep?


From our little weird family to yours, Merry Christmas!!

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Christmas Movie Reviews

Jingle All the Whey – What do you get when you take a handful of blueberries, two apples, peanut butter, whey powder, holiday cheer, and love, and mix them in a blender? You get a holiday classic. James and Chaz are competing for Rhonda’s attention in this Christmas romcom, and it seems like everything can go wrong (except Chaz’s push-up form!). Grab your popcorn, your hot chocolate, and max out your reps on love in this ‘whey’ cozy Christmas movie! 4.7 stars.

 

12 Daze of Christmas – Filmed entirely in an Oregon dispensary, this fresh take on a Christmas tale that’s been told is sure to delight. Doug, our protagonist, is a pothead who loves Christmas, and second chances. But is he repeating the same day over and over until he learns his Christmas lesson, or just stoned out of his gourd? Join him as he attempts to learn the meaning of Christmas, between handfuls of Doritos of course! 4.9 stars.

 

p12259070_p_v8_aaThe Spirit of Christmas – This new holiday classic will leave you haunted … with feelings of joy. Go on a New England journey that involves ghosts, murder, treachery … and love. Remember, Christmas isn’t just about the gifts! 4.1 stars.

 

Groom for Improvement – This holiday hidden gem, release in 2012 with one of the strongest crops of Christmas classic movies, is waiting to be discovered again. Just like JoAnn discovers David, her neighbor who may not have always brushed his teeth, but he always brushes aside racism. This movie answers the question, ‘can there be an interracial Christmas movie that works on so many levels?” Turn on your TV, get ready to smile, and say it with me, the answer is undoubtedly yes. 4.2 stars.

 

Mall a Day for the Holiday – Disgraced Candice can’t seem to do anything right after she was shunned from the public eye for divorcing her cheating politician husband. But this Christmas, she won’t stop going from mall to mall looking for the perfect gift to win over her teenaged children. This movie embraces sexism on a level that is hardly comprehensible, which makes it this year’s favorite in the ‘what have we become as a society’ pool at work. Get a bottle of liquor, or two, and accept the fact that double standards are up while moral standards our down in the hell whole that is quickly becoming the United States of America. 4.7 stars.

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Mountain Cottontail Defense

God: NEXT!
Mountain Cottontail: Hey, I’m a –
God: You’re a fast little fella! That’s what you are. Ok, what can I do for you?
Mountain Cottontail: Well, I love my fur. Thank you for that. It’s just, …
God: You’re sick of the sex jokes?
Mountain Cottontail: Nah. Those I kinda like. But, I –
God: Wish you had opposoble thumbs?
Mountain Cottontail: Huh? You mean opposable?
God: No … It’s like … It’s a joke I’m working on where a human has two opposable thumbs but they hate each other. They’re opposite! It’s … it’s gonna be good, just give it time.
IMG_20171108_072129292~2Mountain Cottontail: Can we …
God: Right. Yes. Go ahead.
Mountain Cottontail: It’s just that, I see other animals running away from predators, or fighting back, or even some animals aren’t hunted at all, and I wish I had a different defense.
God: You’ve got a great defensive instinct! I thought that was a neat trick!
Mountain Cottontail: Neat trick or a joke?
God: Um … kinda both, to be honest.
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Hey kids, today we’ll learn about how to evade a predator! You just stand there. Super still. Don’t move!’ It’s embarrassing.
God: No, see, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘But dad! Isn’t that how mom died?’
God: Oh come on, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Yeah, and twelve of my twenty brothers. They waited till the last second, tried to run but NOPE. DEAD.’
God: (audible deep breath)
Mountain Cottontail: Can you please do something?
God: Ok. Sure. I’m going to make your poops tiny, adorable little pellets.
Mountain Cottontail: How does that –
God: Look! Ploop ploop! Look at those! Hahaha how adorable!
Mountain Cottontail: (audible sigh)
God: NEXT!

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