The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Wal-Mart Shareholders Meeting Mockumentary

Just reading that post title you already know this is a golden idea, don’t you?

Recently I read this article on LinkedIn about ‘WalmartPalooza’ – which is what the author of that post calls the Walmart shareholder’s meeting. By the author’s description, it is a spectacle. The post is short, give it a read and imagine the grand affair. Then, if your curiosity is piqued, give this a try.

That second link is Walmart’s website for the event which has links to videos of the meeting AND perhaps most importantly, a nice looking showcase of tweets from people who attended.

In case you DON’T want to read the article – the event highlights Wal-Mart’s successes over the past year (typical I think for a shareholder meeting) except this one is MC’d by a celebrity, this year it was Reese Witherspoon, and there are other celebrity acts as well (Rod Stewart and Ricky Martin). It feels like a political party’s rally, where only the positives are allowed into the building and the focus is on optimism, glitz and glamor.

Here’s why I’m interested in this event: movie potential.

If this isn’t the PERFECT setup for a movie by the gang who did Best in Show (Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind) then I don’t know what would be. Just think about the characters they would play –

  • One of them is a celebrity act who cares deeply about helping the environment and social issues but … also likes the sweet pay day from Wal-Mart
  • One of them is said celebrity’s agent
  • One of them is new Wal-Mart employee who is buying into the hype
  • One of them is jaded Wal-Mart employee
  • One of them is mid-level corporate … high up enough to go along but not so high up as to not feel a little dirty

Heck. What am I doing. They know better than I. Or maybe you do. What do you think? To me, this is a gem of an opportunity.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Necessary Nonsense

Vociferous and ubiquitous unicorns

Undulating unilaterally in my sleep

This leads to head scratching morns

My therapist listens, represses a weep

Shouting shellfish shellac their homes

Nosy neighbors noisily whisper their opinions

Composing not novelettes but hefty tomes

Their judgmental thoughts like unwanted minions

Cornering the market with his heft and desire

The brazen basket case of a boys done it now

He’s lit not a spark but a full fledged fire

While the brown cow looks askance and asks how

The summation of my thoughts involves sigma,

A saucy case of stylish, yet staunch strabismus

And a haughty goodnight to all, I’ll miss ya

Now let me go, please, you and your plus sized fuss

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Du Jour of the Week

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Dear Guy at the Urinal

Why, when you’re peeing, do you flush before, during AND after? What is that!?

 

I don’t know that it’s dirty, because I doubt anyone else does this … but why are you leaning forward so that your head is resting on the wall?

 

Why, when you’re done, do you shake it like you’re angry at it? You should get that figured out, with someone else.

 

Why did you look over, and then when you saw it was me, start a conversation? Why for all of that? Why? If it was someone else, would you have not started talking? If so, can I be added to the list of not-talking people?

 

Why do you do a cartoon super villain laugh, where it starts slow and gets faster and louder and your eyes get large and you look around the room in a challenging manner … Nah, just kidding. That’s me. I do that. It’s my ONE quirk, ok? Everyone is allowed one. My sincerest apologies for any and all males though.

 

No talkie, please.

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